Schadenfreude for Dummies

Today is my birthday. [Golf clap.]  I’m officially too old to be writing for this blog.  Moving on.

Consider this my obligatory, quite random and uninspired response to the Tiger Woods’ apology: It was boring, about as interesting as watching golf on television.  Like, seriously.  How can I take voyeuristic pleasure in something so…um, vanilla [talking about the speech, not Woods’ taste in women]?  For a guy who sends such racy text messages, I was expecting a much more electrifying statement.  If Tiger Woods had read from his Blackberry I assure you all that his apology would have actually been worth talking about.  Maybe he should’ve used Autotune.  Is there an App for animating an otherwise mundane statement by a professional athlete?

How much more satisfying would it have been if Woods had just walked up to the podium and said, “My wife made me do this…”?

White Sorority Wins 2010 Sprite Step-Off

via Youtube | February 22, 2010

The ladies of Zeta Tau Alpha from the University of Arkansas won the $100,000 1st place prize at last weekend’s Sprite Step Off-Challenge in Atlanta.  We have been hearing mixed responses about this result–mixed because ZTA is a white sorority that received the shine participating in a historically black cultural form, but they also apparently stepped really well.  So, we decided to post this video for you to decide for yourself.

[poll id=”29″]

Sade Horses Around with Wanda Sykes

via Idolator.com | February 22, 2010

Having sold over half a million copies of her new album in its first week, Sade has been very busy promoting her album.  With this in mind, Wanda Sykes has tried everything she could to persuade Sade to come on her show.  And she gets pretty  close!

GIL SCOTT-HERON'S "I'M NEW HERE": The man comes around…

Yeah, that’s right…the man has finally come around.

First things first: Gil Scott-Heron’s influence on Hip Hop and Neo-Soul is incalculable; next to James Brown and George Clinton, it is perfectly acceptable to consider Scott-Heron the Godfather of those genres, captivating and inspiring generations with a powerful mixture of gritty, rhythmic, conscious poetics and funky, jazz-inflected musical backdrops. We all know (or should know) the classics; “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised,” “Home Is Where the Hatred Is,” “The Bottle,” “Whitey on the Moon,” just to name a few. Known for his fiery, incendiary observations of the sociopolitical state of black America, it’s certainly all the more heartbreaking to have seen this incredible musician and activist succumb to many of the social ills he’d spent so much time railing against, and had tried so desperately to steer others away from. Since 1994, drug problems and a slew of stints in prison have derailed the man’s career and mission, ironically coinciding with the unprecedented and ever-growing success of the very genres he inspired. And all of this makes Scott-Heron’s new album, I’m New Here, all the more stunning; not since the Rick Rubin-assisted resurrection of Johnny Cash’s legendary (and, by the earlier 90’s, similarly derailed) career has an older, seemingly past-their-prime artist returned with something so haunting, so vital, and so unequivocably brilliant.

Why I like Nicki Minaj: No Haters Allowed!!!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMZ5s7o2F88

So, this last Halloween I dressed up as . . . . (drum roll please) . . . Nicki Minaj also known as Nicki Lewinski also known as Nicki the Ninja also known as Nicki the Harajuku Barbi. (Yep, if you leave a comment requesting my Halloween picture I may post it). Yes, I, the self-identified black feminist, dressed up as a black female rapper. And not any black female rapper, but Nicki Minaj who is signed with Lil’ Wayne’s Young Money Crew. Now the question is how did I stumble upon Nicki Minaj? Well, I am glad you asked. I happen to be watching 106th and Park and Gucci Mane’s 5 Star Bitch came on. Of course, I was thinking to myself what is a five star bitch? And why do the girls have to be called  bitches?

If your dick could talk…

It would probably tell you that John Mayer’s dick is one smart peen. Of course, our genitals don’t talk nor do they think, but ahem, have you seen the STD rates in the black community? We all make decisions about who we sleep with. Sometimes it is based on race, on size, on stature, and sometimes we blame it on the alcohol. Some of our decisions are not so thought out and some are rather intentional. When’s the last time you had sex with a homeless person?

I know I’m going to get killed for this post, but why is it racist when people don’t want to sleep with black folk, but sophisticated nationalism and community preservation when black folks stick to their own? Beyond that, why do black people take so much offense when people don’t want to have sex with them and then get mad when they are only seen as sex objects. Is there a safe middle ground? A one to one ratio on hip hop video hos and Michelle Obama-J. Crew imagery?

A Letter to Black Women

Dear Black Woman,

First, let me commend you on succeeding against all odds. Somehow you managed; you managed to make it through junior high and high school with your confidence intact. Despite my incessant barrage of negative imagery, you somehow made it this far in your life with a positive sense of self. I applaud you for that. While I constantly tried to beat it into your head that you were undesirable, you somehow managed to discover just how amazing you really are. And again, I applaud you for that. But don’t let your guard down. I have a trump card.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iWRfnLv7FA

No man=no happily ever after. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I thought it was enough to drill it into you every night but I see I have to remind you because Beyoncè has tried to undo all of my hard work. Let me say it again: NO man= NO happily ever after.

The Ramifications of Slam Poetry Part 2: Brave New Voices

I would like to believe that there is a moment in everyone’s life that becomes a point of definition. This if nothing else has been the reality of my experience. My moment of definition was March 2006 when I was a participant in the finals of the Cleveland city wide poetry slam. Two weeks prior to finals night I only had one poem memorized which I wrote for a church service when I was in middle school. What was at stake? An all expense paid trip to the International Youth Poetry Competition, called Brave New Voices, which in 2006 was being held in the Apollo theater and across the city of New York.

I wrote and memorized three poems in two weeks to prepare for the finals of the Cleveland slam. The content of my poems were expressions of my experiences with discrimination, being stereotyped, living across the street from a crack-house, and my cautions about young black people not becoming victims of their surroundings. After 3 rounds and 2 hours the Cleveland team was decided. I was blessed to be one of the top 5 poets that would represent Northern Ohio at Brave New Voices(BNV).