Last week, I wrote at length about white people needing to identify and eradicate their racism without the assistance of black people and without blaming black people. The occasion for this commentary was the oft-written about Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin bullying situation and, more specifically, Shannon Sharpe’s disgust at black players’ alleged complicity in Incognito’s racism. Again, I agree with Sharpe on a couple of levels: 1. Black players should have spoken up, and 2. There are no honorary black people. *in my best LeBron voice*

Not Robert DeNiro

Not Justin Timberlake

Not Bubba Sparxxx

Not one Kardashian

Not DJ Khaled

Not Eminem

Not Teena Marie


No Teena Marie?

Guess not.

That said, it bears repeating that white folks need to take responsibility for their behavior. And, since there are no honorary black people, it means that folks like John Mayer, Richie Incognito, and any other white person who thought such melanin had been honorarily given to them need to be checked for their racism by their own people. My suggestion means that black people no longer need to do the checking. The question becomes, then, who might take the job? Well, I have an idea: Turn this thing into a reality show.

That’s right. Call up OWN or Bravo or whomever, and pitch an Iyanla-like show, where (not-so) notable white people spend a few days with an Anti-racism coach, like say, Tim Wise. They spend an episode exploring their racism, cry a bit, accept that they are racists, get some coaching on how to stop, move on. Rinse. Repeat. I’ve sketched a few episodes.

Fix My Antebellum Fantasy: Paula Deen makes her triumphant comeback to television when Tim Wise heads down to Savannah and helps her understand why wanting black people to dress up as slaves and serve white people isn’t all that Gone with the Wind fabulous.

Fix My Impolite Voice Mails: Showing there’s no I in team,Tim Wise helps Richie Incognito understand where he went wrong in his hazing of teammate, Jonathan Martin. He also uncovers why Incognito and Martin exchanged 1100 text messages.

Fix My Family Reunion: Tim Wise finds a straight, interracial couple who refuses to visit her parents, because her father is racist.

Fix My Obama Sticker: Tim Wise helps a liberal white person understand that sometimes liberal white person just means “closet racist,” no matter who you voted for.

Fix My Monochromasy: Tim Wise intervenes in the lives of white folks who swear they don’t see color and think that’s forward-thinking and/or okay.
Fix My Headlines: Yet again stealing taking a hint from black folks, Tim Wise shows USA Today that black people in a movie doesn’t mean that said movie is “race-themed.” (Also, the term “race-themed” sounds like the beginning of a horrible idea for an amusement park.)

You’re welcome. I’ll be waiting for my check.