I am tired of race, of gender, of sexuality, of women, and gays, and immigrants, and old people, and mixed-race people, and the disabled and so I have no desire to deal with the Census. But I am also tired of getting fined, so I will turn in my form with as little information possible. I will not check my race and I will probably not tell my age. And I damn sure will not follow my girlfriend’s lead and put a sticker on my form marking my house as a gay dwelling. For all intents and purposes related to the Census I want to be seen as only human. Of course, this isn’t because I have some false hope for a race/gender/age-blind society–I actually like hierarchies. It is simply because if there were ever a logical time to push for everyone to be seen the same, now is the time. The Census truly only needs to know how many people live in my household. That’s it. Count me as one person and keep it moving.

Back in the day the Census skipped Native Americans and only counted three out of every five black people. But people never learn. People think, all of a sudden, in a year where “Negro” is still on the Census and Hispanics have been eliminated as a race category, the Census is simply trying to figure out how to fairly allot funding. You guys are glib! And more importantly, victims of the good minority trap–open group allegiance. Instead of balking at the question’s presence in the first place, folks are busy trying to be “black” and not “Negro” and even want to add that they are LGBTSTGNC POC–two of the most marginal groups in America. Go right ahead! And next year, when you find yourself mysteriously a part of a poor neighborhood as opposed to the middle-income one you were in last year, you will only have yourself to blame. If there were ever a time to adopt “race doesn’t matter” as your motto, now is the time.

Just do me a favor. If you are gonna be dumb enough to check a box, treat it like the SAT and check the box that provides the “best answer” and mail back the damn form. This doesn’t cause as much anxiety as people claim it does and seeing Negro on a form when you can’t escape the word “Nigga” on the radio is not a big f-ing deal. It’s just the Census trying to keep up with the times, right? I mean, since you trust them enough to check a box anyway, stop bitchin’! To me, unless you are checking the top, the first, the most consistent, the least-altered box on the form–the “White” one–you don’t really count anyway.

On my Census form it will say my name and that four people live in my household. It will not have my race. It will not have my age. It will not have my sex and it sure as hell won’t have a gay sticker! Besides, can’t they just check my Facebook page? I’m with Ron Paul on this one, “none of your business.” And for the famous Aurde Lorde quote, “your silence will not protect you.” She was wrong. Yes. It. Will. Now shut up!