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I keep hearing these lyrics from Tupac’s Me Against the World playing in my head,

“Cant reach the children cause they illing,

addicted to killing and the appeal of the cap peeling without feeling,

when will they last or be blasted, hard headed bastard,

maybe you listen in this casket

the aftermath”

I hear this song, because over the past five months, I have lost 3 cousins all under the age of 23.  And it seems that every week my timeline is filled with RIP ‘s to honor a young man or woman who lost their lives to some senseless murder.  I understand that there are those who are truly sadistic socio/psychopathic murderers with no sense of morality nor right and wrong, and take pleasure in killing.  But I am not speaking to that guy.  Rather, the young 11-25 year old who decides to take another’s life; and I want to know what goes on inside your head before you commit murder.

I have come to believe that hate and love all stem from the same place. I can only imagine that the amount of hatred and rage you feel against those you kill, must be just as strong as the love and admiration you have for your loved ones. For if you will kill for those you love, your hatred for those you would kill, must be in equal parts to the love for those you kill for.  And, once your mind is made up to pull the trigger or to inflict an injury that would cause death, I imagine that your adrenaline levels are so high, that it causes a temporary sense of euphoria and invincibility.  Accompanying this fake high I would presume, is a feeling that you have the ultimate power over life and death.  I wonder if you feel like God.  I wonder if the hatred that you feel is actually towards that person or an accumulation of ill feelings that you are not even aware that you harbor.

In any case, do you think about your loved ones, do you think about God, do you think about how your actions will affect you, do you worry about how you will sleep at night, are you afraid of seeing your victims face in your dreams?  Did you think about those who loved that person just as much as you hated them?  Did you even stop to think?  Well I did.  I thought about you and all that you must be going through, that would cause you to take another’s life.  I thought about your fears, insecurities, joys, pain, happiness and your future.  If you’re still living, you have all of these things for someone to worry about, but my cousins do not and the young men and women we have lost, do not as well.  But their children do and their families do too.  How many more sons and daughters will you rob of their fathers or mothers? I have seen them.  And there is nothing to fill that void that they feel, perhaps you personally know the feeling as well.

So this is for you.  I am sorry that in your brokenness, you could not see past the moment and feel past your rage, to see yourself in your victim’s eye. Perhaps you felt that no one cared enough to see you.  While, you cannot undue that which is done, I pray that you make amends.  Murder is a two way streak, one loses their life while  the other loses their soul.  I pray for you both and I just want to know what could we have done to save you?

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