One sunny day, as I was commuting through the city, I started to notice one particular thing that happened quite a few times that day: men and their advances towards me. Nothing major right? Well I took into account that this happened 5 times that day. Even as I write this blog, I start to think about things that normally another person would ask me. What was I wearing? Did I initiate eye contact?
But I started to realize that the answers to those questions did not matter because whether I was fully clothed or not and whether I looked at them first, that wasn’t the major factors.
And you may say, well it might be. If you were wearing a skimpy outfit or giving them “the eye” then that might’ve given them the cue to make their advance. When I tell you it does not matter, IT DOES NOT MATTER. I was wearing a crop top that day, long sleeve with some loose, black pants and boots. I’m watchful of my surroundings but I’m not staring people in the eye as I walk down the street. Mind you, I’ve had a period in my life where I wore baggy jeans and sweat shirts and still received advances from men.
So let’s take what I’m wearing and my eyes out of the equation. Let’s focus on the men who often make advances to women so much I think it’s almost second nature for them. It’s like saying “hi” and “bye.” Compare this to the many women who DON’T say anything to men as they walk down the street. Generally speaking, women don’t make advances to men as they walk down the street. Generally speaking we’re not raised to be so open with our sexuality. Yet when it comes to the term “slut,” low and behold the woman.
Thinking about even the most sexually explicit situations one can think of, when you think of the phrase “running a train” (when a group of people who are usually friends all have sex with one person), you think of sexually charged, indifferent guys who are all scraping for a chance with a woman. Be it her consent or not, which is really horrible to even think about, they’re all willing to engage in the event.
Going deeper, men are willing to drug, deceive and even force women to have sex with them. Men are also willing to pay to have sex with women. Even if it’s just a tease from an erotic dancer, majority of the customers are men. The porn industry’s best customer are and let’s get the drum rolling here: MEN!
Yes even with this all in consideration it is women who are labeled whores. It is women are who “slut shamed” and given many names they never asked for such as thot, bust down, and whatever new term they could think of provided by yours truly, MEN. For exploring their sexuality or not inviting intruders in at all, women are blamed for men’s actions.
I recently ran across video of a woman who gave “helpful” advice to prevent one’s boyfriend from cheating. And that would be providing him oral sex. I guess the consequence of not committing that act would result to infidelity and the woman is to blame right? Even in marriages you’d hear some say “He’s just being a man.” So by having a penis, you’re the exception to adultery? Speaking of marriages, child marriages continue to take the lives of many young girls who are married to…MEN. Grown men at that.
Meanwhile a woman with multiple husbands is quite absurd and if at all possible, rare but it has been and it is acceptable for a man to have multiple wives. Thinning yourself out a bit don’t you think?
To know that rape culture consists of trending hashtags and simulated poses of rape victims who are women, dismissed and neglected cases of rape victims in the military who are women, and women who have to try not to be too nice, too skimpy, too popular, too trusting, too pretty, too ugly, out at the wrong place and/or wrong time, and just too much a woman to pass up, we are left in a society where women are held liable for men’s actions as well as their own.
Often when topics arise like this, you’ll have some say “not all men are like that.” But we’re not talking about the minority. We’re talking about a culture that is directly and subliminally inflicted upon us every day. To make it a woman’s responsibility to provide sexual satisfaction AND preservation amongst men who are willing to take it is a catch 22.
We continue to be the poster children for the word “slut” when in actuality this term should apply to those who so arrogantly and without thought impose their sexuality on women every day: MEN!
This is not a man-bashing, blog but this is a thought, an observation, the truth if you will, that made me really look at WHO ARE really the sluts if we’re truly going by definition and behavior. How can my attire provoke the actions YOU control? How can I be held liable for both your actions and consequences? There are plenty of men topless, with underwear showing that I’ve seen and never felt an overwhelming urge to make a sexual advance or anything BEYOND that.
Being sexually grotesque, aggressive, and potentially harmful towards the opposite sex that is woman should never be excused because you have a penis. So who’s really the slut?