Blacks and BAD HAIR
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0KHbK81QxI
I am looking forward to the theatre release of this comic documentary Good Hair about black folks’ obsession with ‘good’ hair. Chris Rock’s drive to start this project came when his daughter asked him why she didn’t have good hair. My best friend feels that “most people don’t think about [hair] in terms [of self-hate] as much these days. It’s almost viewed as good grooming, particularly for Black women…like brushing one’s teeth.” I want to expand the discussion to include black men as well because we too process our “nappy” hair. So for me honestly, it is not about self-hate it is mostly about good grooming and appeal.
Growing up, I always thought (and still believe) that long flowing hair was (and is) very beautiful. All the women that I think are beautiful have long flowing hair Ananda Lewis, Rozonda Thomas, and Nicole Scherzinger. Even when I think of men, I have a thing for wavy hair over the ‘nappy’ fro, dreadlocks or worse the cornrows (I hate cornrows on men). These so-called ‘natural’ hairstyles are not inherently bad, but they do limit drastically one’s ability to navigate in different spaces.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxQGXmEVw-4&feature=related
Starting at minute 2:04, we see the hair concerns of a mother and daughter. To be honest, I think the mom in the clip being “ashamed” of or having to “adjust” to her daughter’s ‘natural look’ is perfectly legitimate. I can definitely relate to what the mom is going through. My current love interest has naturally wavy hair and when he cuts it off he looks less attractive and is less alluring to me. Not that he becomes ugly, but there is a noticeable decline in attraction when his hair is cut very low.
I agree with the audience member in the clip at minute 5:02 that the mother’s extreme dislike might be generational, and the real fear of depleting one’s social capital, but I would also add it is about preferences. I think a lot of my preferences with hair deals with my own social capital and how my partner should compliment my aims and trajectory. My mentors and I often talk about how as business men and women grooming and hair styles matter and that those rules do extend to people you bring to company functions. I think we have to get out of the habit of telling people that if you like girls or men with “good hair” that it is self-hate. There has to be room in our conversation to acknowledge that it is ok to like what you like and to pursue it as fervently as an individual desires.
I pose my best friend’s question: “Is it a sign of self-hate for us to process our textured/excessively curly/”tight”/”kinky”/”nappy”/”bad” hair?” My answer is: No, not usually.
I leave you with one of those warm clips that makes me laugh.
School Daze: Good or Bad Hair
Hmm. i have this conversation more than i would like. Being that i am natural, and my natural hair is “kinky” (i love that word more than i should) and not wavy, and i currently work in a sector that is dominated by white males, my granny fears that my potential is/will be limited by the way that i choose to wear my hair.
When we start to think that way, then it does, in my opinion, become an issue of self-hate. Why is my natural hair considered limiting whereas becky’s hair is considered ok? Why is it that by wearing my hair the way it comes out of my head is considered a political statement? Why should i have to change the way i look to be accepted? These are the questions that i grapple with on a daily basis. To be honest, my conclusion is that saying someone is “less professional” (i know you didn’t say it but my granny does all the time) because of the way their hair comes out of their head is tantamount to saying their skin color is “less professional” because it’s darker.
As far as people’s preferences, to each their own. But to speak of someone’s natural hair as limiting them professionally is an issue that should be examined deeply and i commend you for tackling it.
Hmm. i have this conversation more than i would like. Being that i am natural, and my natural hair is “kinky” (i love that word more than i should) and not wavy, and i currently work in a sector that is dominated by white males, my granny fears that my potential is/will be limited by the way that i choose to wear my hair.
When we start to think that way, then it does, in my opinion, become an issue of self-hate. Why is my natural hair considered limiting whereas becky’s hair is considered ok? Why is it that by wearing my hair the way it comes out of my head is considered a political statement? Why should i have to change the way i look to be accepted? These are the questions that i grapple with on a daily basis. To be honest, my conclusion is that saying someone is “less professional” (i know you didn’t say it but my granny does all the time) because of the way their hair comes out of their head is tantamount to saying their skin color is “less professional” because it’s darker.
As far as people’s preferences, to each their own. But to speak of someone’s natural hair as limiting them professionally is an issue that should be examined deeply and i commend you for tackling it.
Hi Tamara (or do you prefer tamara?),
I appreciate your comments, and I want to say that we don’t necessarily disagree, yet. I think two things need to be fleshed out in our conversation. One is the general conflation I believe to be present in your example of “becky’s hair” versus the “…‘kinky’ and not wavy” hair that “comes out of [your] head.” The second issue is my claim that certain hairstyles “do limit drastically one’s ability to navigate in different spaces” like in the for profit sector.
To clear up what I perceive to be conflation, I want to point out that “becky’s hair” is not inherently more “professional”, because if Becky decided on a mullet style (like you Tamara have decided on being “natural”) she too would potentially feel the consequences in terms of her job. In the for-profit sector, the mullet hairstyle (like the ‘kinky’ hairstyle) is (or could be viewed as) unusual. As a result, it may or may not draw unwanted attention. In some environments, one’s work and one’s productivity should be what distinguishes an individual from his/her colleagues not his/her style of hair or dress. As a result, many companies frown upon eccentric hair and dress styles.
I limit my concern to the business world (read: for-profit sector), because there are more standards set there, particularly regarding appearance. There are, as you and I both know, plenty of examples of people who are successful despite their hairstyles, or in some cases, because of their hairstyles and what their hairstyles symbolizes for folks. I think we can look at the academy where the dreadlock, power fro, and cornrows (how I hate that hairstyle) is standard for many Black intellectuals. Look at the national office of the ACLU and allegedly you will find lawyers that have unkempt appearances. Needless to say that there are exceptions to what constitutes professional environments, however, in the business world there is a standard, which I appreciate. This standard stripes people of marks of difference and ask what are your capabilities; can you produces in a timely manner; are you a doer or just a gimmick.
In terms of your self-hate comment, I am not sure I understand fully and would love for you to expound on it more.
Thank you in advance,
Supernerdjlh
Hi Tamara (or do you prefer tamara?),
I appreciate your comments, and I want to say that we don’t necessarily disagree, yet. I think two things need to be fleshed out in our conversation. One is the general conflation I believe to be present in your example of “becky’s hair” versus the “…‘kinky’ and not wavy” hair that “comes out of [your] head.” The second issue is my claim that certain hairstyles “do limit drastically one’s ability to navigate in different spaces” like in the for profit sector.
To clear up what I perceive to be conflation, I want to point out that “becky’s hair” is not inherently more “professional”, because if Becky decided on a mullet style (like you Tamara have decided on being “natural”) she too would potentially feel the consequences in terms of her job. In the for-profit sector, the mullet hairstyle (like the ‘kinky’ hairstyle) is (or could be viewed as) unusual. As a result, it may or may not draw unwanted attention. In some environments, one’s work and one’s productivity should be what distinguishes an individual from his/her colleagues not his/her style of hair or dress. As a result, many companies frown upon eccentric hair and dress styles.
I limit my concern to the business world (read: for-profit sector), because there are more standards set there, particularly regarding appearance. There are, as you and I both know, plenty of examples of people who are successful despite their hairstyles, or in some cases, because of their hairstyles and what their hairstyles symbolizes for folks. I think we can look at the academy where the dreadlock, power fro, and cornrows (how I hate that hairstyle) is standard for many Black intellectuals. Look at the national office of the ACLU and allegedly you will find lawyers that have unkempt appearances. Needless to say that there are exceptions to what constitutes professional environments, however, in the business world there is a standard, which I appreciate. This standard stripes people of marks of difference and ask what are your capabilities; can you produces in a timely manner; are you a doer or just a gimmick.
In terms of your self-hate comment, I am not sure I understand fully and would love for you to expound on it more.
Thank you in advance,
Supernerdjlh
Hi Supernerd!
First, great observation. i do prefer tamara in this arena. It’s not that big of a deal though, just one of my many quirks. Thanks for noticing and thanks for a thought-provoking response to my knee-jerk reaction. You’ve given me an opportunity to consider the possibility that my response was one-dimensional and emotional.
In terms of your first point, that Becky’s mullet is somehow equivalent to my “kinky hair”, i am not sure if i understand the comparison. By speaking of becky’s hair, i was simply asking why caucasion hair in its natural state is ok but my hair is not. If becky chooses to wear a mullet, that i think, is more equivalent to me choosing to wear my hair in pigtails that fly in every direction, not a neat and well-kept afro. The crux of this age-old argument is the idea that kinky natural hair is a deviation from some unwritten norm. Frankly, i am fed up with the idea that to progress in the world, i have to alter my natural appearance. This is the way that i was created and i love it. i am educated, qualified, and by no means unkempt. Why does my natural hair bring those thoughts into anyone’s mind, let alone a Black person whose hair may or may not resemble mine in texture? It shouldn’t matter what sector i work in, i should be accepted as i am. And i am an educated Black woman with natural hair who brings mad revenue to a professional sports team. (ok, that was emotional!)
Moving on to my self-hatred remark. Anytime someone speaks of me, as i am (short, Black, natural, goofy, angry, emotional), as being “less” in any sense of the word, it brings about ideas of inferiority. If a white person makes a comment about my natural hair being “less professional” or decreasing my chances at success, it becomes a discussion about my race/ethnicity being a hindrance. So anytime those comments come from another Black person, it becomes an issue of self-hatred because their hair grows just the way mine does and they are saying it’s somehow “less”.
i am pressed for time and i hope this answers your questions at least partially. And, i agree, there is a time and space for hairstyles but my hair TYPE should be accepted wherever my hard work is accepted. i think that’s where the argument gets cloudy. My natural hair is not a hairstyle. It’s a hair type.
Ok, now i really have to go. Hope to hear from you again.
Hi Supernerd!
First, great observation. i do prefer tamara in this arena. It’s not that big of a deal though, just one of my many quirks. Thanks for noticing and thanks for a thought-provoking response to my knee-jerk reaction. You’ve given me an opportunity to consider the possibility that my response was one-dimensional and emotional.
In terms of your first point, that Becky’s mullet is somehow equivalent to my “kinky hair”, i am not sure if i understand the comparison. By speaking of becky’s hair, i was simply asking why caucasion hair in its natural state is ok but my hair is not. If becky chooses to wear a mullet, that i think, is more equivalent to me choosing to wear my hair in pigtails that fly in every direction, not a neat and well-kept afro. The crux of this age-old argument is the idea that kinky natural hair is a deviation from some unwritten norm. Frankly, i am fed up with the idea that to progress in the world, i have to alter my natural appearance. This is the way that i was created and i love it. i am educated, qualified, and by no means unkempt. Why does my natural hair bring those thoughts into anyone’s mind, let alone a Black person whose hair may or may not resemble mine in texture? It shouldn’t matter what sector i work in, i should be accepted as i am. And i am an educated Black woman with natural hair who brings mad revenue to a professional sports team. (ok, that was emotional!)
Moving on to my self-hatred remark. Anytime someone speaks of me, as i am (short, Black, natural, goofy, angry, emotional), as being “less” in any sense of the word, it brings about ideas of inferiority. If a white person makes a comment about my natural hair being “less professional” or decreasing my chances at success, it becomes a discussion about my race/ethnicity being a hindrance. So anytime those comments come from another Black person, it becomes an issue of self-hatred because their hair grows just the way mine does and they are saying it’s somehow “less”.
i am pressed for time and i hope this answers your questions at least partially. And, i agree, there is a time and space for hairstyles but my hair TYPE should be accepted wherever my hard work is accepted. i think that’s where the argument gets cloudy. My natural hair is not a hairstyle. It’s a hair type.
Ok, now i really have to go. Hope to hear from you again.
Hi tamara,
Thank you for the compliment about being observant.
I think I understand, and possibly, (based on what I think you are getting at) I agree there is a difference between hair-type and hairstyle. I, however, do not find that a “well kept afro” is a hair-type, for me it is a hairstyle. For me the hair-type refers to the quality of individual hair strands that comprise or make-up one’s head of hair. And a hairstyle is the manner in which you choose to wear/present and maintain your hair for yourself and/or the public. For instance, I have thin course hair that grows very slowly (i.e., hair-type), but I chose to maintain it in a low cut fade (i.e., hairstyle) to avoid the fro, cornrows, dreadlocks or even the hair texturizers. Therefore, Becky’s decision to maintain her hair in a mullet is equivalent to your decision to maintain your hair in a “well kept afro”, at least to me. Now if you do not understand me because of the value you place on the mullet versus the afro, I understand, because I find the mullet hairstyle to be more distasteful than the cornrows hairstyle.
Now on to your idea about self-hate and race, I think these two things are very real concepts and have tragic consequences when felt by folks. However, I do not agree with your absolute band on cross-racial or intra-racial critique. I neither believe that every time a white person approaches a black person to talk about appropriate attire, or hairstyles it is about race and ethnicity, nor do I believe every time a black person gives a concern about appropriate attire or hairstyles it is about self-hate. Honestly tamara (Supernerd puts on his OBAMA voice), I think black America has to stop and be more critical about how much of these perceived moments of self-hate and/or racism is an excuse or a method of self-soothing.
I think we can look to other groups of blacks who succeed in very white environments by approaching people with the goal being to create a mutual understanding. I think black America particularly with our hairstyles, styles of dressing and styles of speaking create ways to hinder that process from occurring in an equal and mutually beneficial way.
As to avoid this degenerating into something petty, I ask that each of us consider the implicit accusations we might be laying at each other’s door. I only say this because I tend to get carried away when people imply things in written form.
Yeah, I am just a bit—OCD—when it comes to that sort of thing (SMILE).
Thanks again for sharing!!!
Supernerdjlh
Hi tamara,
Thank you for the compliment about being observant.
I think I understand, and possibly, (based on what I think you are getting at) I agree there is a difference between hair-type and hairstyle. I, however, do not find that a “well kept afro” is a hair-type, for me it is a hairstyle. For me the hair-type refers to the quality of individual hair strands that comprise or make-up one’s head of hair. And a hairstyle is the manner in which you choose to wear/present and maintain your hair for yourself and/or the public. For instance, I have thin course hair that grows very slowly (i.e., hair-type), but I chose to maintain it in a low cut fade (i.e., hairstyle) to avoid the fro, cornrows, dreadlocks or even the hair texturizers. Therefore, Becky’s decision to maintain her hair in a mullet is equivalent to your decision to maintain your hair in a “well kept afro”, at least to me. Now if you do not understand me because of the value you place on the mullet versus the afro, I understand, because I find the mullet hairstyle to be more distasteful than the cornrows hairstyle.
Now on to your idea about self-hate and race, I think these two things are very real concepts and have tragic consequences when felt by folks. However, I do not agree with your absolute band on cross-racial or intra-racial critique. I neither believe that every time a white person approaches a black person to talk about appropriate attire, or hairstyles it is about race and ethnicity, nor do I believe every time a black person gives a concern about appropriate attire or hairstyles it is about self-hate. Honestly tamara (Supernerd puts on his OBAMA voice), I think black America has to stop and be more critical about how much of these perceived moments of self-hate and/or racism is an excuse or a method of self-soothing.
I think we can look to other groups of blacks who succeed in very white environments by approaching people with the goal being to create a mutual understanding. I think black America particularly with our hairstyles, styles of dressing and styles of speaking create ways to hinder that process from occurring in an equal and mutually beneficial way.
As to avoid this degenerating into something petty, I ask that each of us consider the implicit accusations we might be laying at each other’s door. I only say this because I tend to get carried away when people imply things in written form.
Yeah, I am just a bit—OCD—when it comes to that sort of thing (SMILE).
Thanks again for sharing!!!
Supernerdjlh
Supernerd,
Definitely understand where you’re coming from. As far as hair type and hairstyle, i think that we are on the same page and you are correct, my argument was definitely based on the value i place on an afro vs a mullet, making me guilty of the very thing i am arguing against. My stubbornness won’t let me give up that point though. For every hair type, there are hairstyles that are suitable for a corporate workplace and there are styles that are unsuitable for a corporate workplace. Here is where we get into the mullet, the cornrows, etc. For example, i like to wear my hair in twists but i don’t think that it’s appropriate for the work that i do so i wear it twisted on the weekends but not during the week. i’m going to back away from this point though because i think that we are on the same page, or at least in the same book.
And as far as self-hate and race, i definitely agree that these are tragic and real concepts and perhaps because of that we do need to think critically about issues such as hairstyle and how it is perceived by others. i just can’t fathom how it is appropriate to say that someone should alter their appearance to reach their full professional potential. Style of dress and speaking are different situations than skin and hair type. We are born with dark skin and thin coarse hair. That i choose to walk into an office flaunting what i was born with should not make me a less qualified candidate. That we make judgments about a person’s values or competencies based on their hair type or hairstyle is what we need to be thinking critically about (not just the two of us, but global citizens in general). These are caustic ideas that have no place in any of our hearts.
If by being myself and living the way i was built somehow hinders me from being an equal in any setting, that just shows that the other party entered with ideas of what constitutes an equal from jump. It irks me that people feel that my fro makes me less likely to succeed. Actually, to be honest, it saddens me. I think the way that some Blacks in America shrug off these feelings as being hyper-sensitive keeps these kinds of exchanges from happening. When i first read your post, i hesitated to respond for that very reason. So many times before i have been told that i am just being sensitive or reading too much into it. Well, that i think is less than productive. For as long as any person feels let down, emotional, angry or any other way about what they perceive as discrimination, we should be willing to listen. Then we can create a mutual understanding.
Even though it seems that we disagree, i respect and appreciate the way that you’ve approached this discussion because it could have gotten out of line. We all have things that we are super passionate, irrational and overly emotional about and this is definitely my hot-button topic. i hope my responses haven’t come off in an abrasive manner because i am anything but abrasive and i definitely don’t mean to imply anything about you or your beliefs. i employ the word ‘you’ haphazardly and for that i apologize. It’s something that i do. i also get sensitive about this because it is something that bothers me daily.
Thanks again for keeping this clean and for challenging me to articulate my position.
tam.
Supernerd,
Definitely understand where you’re coming from. As far as hair type and hairstyle, i think that we are on the same page and you are correct, my argument was definitely based on the value i place on an afro vs a mullet, making me guilty of the very thing i am arguing against. My stubbornness won’t let me give up that point though. For every hair type, there are hairstyles that are suitable for a corporate workplace and there are styles that are unsuitable for a corporate workplace. Here is where we get into the mullet, the cornrows, etc. For example, i like to wear my hair in twists but i don’t think that it’s appropriate for the work that i do so i wear it twisted on the weekends but not during the week. i’m going to back away from this point though because i think that we are on the same page, or at least in the same book.
And as far as self-hate and race, i definitely agree that these are tragic and real concepts and perhaps because of that we do need to think critically about issues such as hairstyle and how it is perceived by others. i just can’t fathom how it is appropriate to say that someone should alter their appearance to reach their full professional potential. Style of dress and speaking are different situations than skin and hair type. We are born with dark skin and thin coarse hair. That i choose to walk into an office flaunting what i was born with should not make me a less qualified candidate. That we make judgments about a person’s values or competencies based on their hair type or hairstyle is what we need to be thinking critically about (not just the two of us, but global citizens in general). These are caustic ideas that have no place in any of our hearts.
If by being myself and living the way i was built somehow hinders me from being an equal in any setting, that just shows that the other party entered with ideas of what constitutes an equal from jump. It irks me that people feel that my fro makes me less likely to succeed. Actually, to be honest, it saddens me. I think the way that some Blacks in America shrug off these feelings as being hyper-sensitive keeps these kinds of exchanges from happening. When i first read your post, i hesitated to respond for that very reason. So many times before i have been told that i am just being sensitive or reading too much into it. Well, that i think is less than productive. For as long as any person feels let down, emotional, angry or any other way about what they perceive as discrimination, we should be willing to listen. Then we can create a mutual understanding.
Even though it seems that we disagree, i respect and appreciate the way that you’ve approached this discussion because it could have gotten out of line. We all have things that we are super passionate, irrational and overly emotional about and this is definitely my hot-button topic. i hope my responses haven’t come off in an abrasive manner because i am anything but abrasive and i definitely don’t mean to imply anything about you or your beliefs. i employ the word ‘you’ haphazardly and for that i apologize. It’s something that i do. i also get sensitive about this because it is something that bothers me daily.
Thanks again for keeping this clean and for challenging me to articulate my position.
tam.
Hi tamara,
I want to thank you immensely for engaging in this conversation with me. I can honestly say this has been a 360º value-adding discourse. I look forward with great enthusiasm to reading your posts.
I want to first acknowledge that in my last comment I stated “I neither believe that every time a white person approaches a black person to talk about appropriate attire, or hairstyles it is about race and ethnicity, nor do I believe every time a black person gives a concern about appropriate attire or hairstyles it is about self-hate.” Admittedly, I hold true to this statement, but I want to highlight the hidden obvious part to it, which is that there are times when there is a racial implication and chances for self-hate to manifest in such critiques. With that said, I have not thought in depth about what kind of barometer test you would use to parse out the difference between a pure critique and a critique to malign. Honestly, I don’t think such a test exist, because meaning is part what is said, how something is said, and impact on the listener or reader. With this as the realization, I push my goal of creating mutual understanding between individuals, particularly in the work place.
Thank you again!!!
Supernerdjlh
Hi tamara,
I want to thank you immensely for engaging in this conversation with me. I can honestly say this has been a 360º value-adding discourse. I look forward with great enthusiasm to reading your posts.
I want to first acknowledge that in my last comment I stated “I neither believe that every time a white person approaches a black person to talk about appropriate attire, or hairstyles it is about race and ethnicity, nor do I believe every time a black person gives a concern about appropriate attire or hairstyles it is about self-hate.” Admittedly, I hold true to this statement, but I want to highlight the hidden obvious part to it, which is that there are times when there is a racial implication and chances for self-hate to manifest in such critiques. With that said, I have not thought in depth about what kind of barometer test you would use to parse out the difference between a pure critique and a critique to malign. Honestly, I don’t think such a test exist, because meaning is part what is said, how something is said, and impact on the listener or reader. With this as the realization, I push my goal of creating mutual understanding between individuals, particularly in the work place.
Thank you again!!!
Supernerdjlh