But Black women are not cocoons: I’m tired of being expected to mother Black men and applaud when they finally grow up
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I am so fucking tired of being tasked with applauding Black men for finally growing up (way too late).
by Josie Pickens
Even before Jay-Z sat down and began chatting with journalist and executive editor of The New York Times, Dean Baquet, I could tell that the rapper—turned business mogul—had come a long way from his origins as a Brooklyn based bad boy rapper who boasted on every record he released about how much crack cocaine he pedaled through New York City projects.
It makes sense that Jay-Z would behave as a grown-up, seated on a fancy sofa in the offices of a publication as noteworthy as The New York Times. The man did turn a whole forty-eight years old on December 4th. Even so, I was taken aback by his vulnerable, tender, and reflective commentary as I contemplated how many Black men, even at his age, have uncovered no such peace and reckoning within themselves.
RELATED: On ‘4:44’, maleness, and the performance of the public apology
Jay-Z’s album 4:44 is quite grown up, too, and has been nominated for the Album of the Year Grammy. The album speaks quite eloquently about many things: financial responsibility and wealth building, wading through the waters of racism and White Supremacy as a Black man, even while successful and wealthy, a son finally embracing his mother’s sexuality and finding joy in the idea that she finally feels free enough to love openly, and his existence as a trash ass husband to the Black goddess that we have come to call King Beyoncé.
4:44, in many ways, is Jay’s heartfelt response to Beyoncé’s raw, no-holds-barred visual album Lemonade. And as he admitted in his interview with Dean Banquet, the album is his own kind of therapy.
Because of actual therapy and spiritual awakenings, and the magic and stardust that is a Black woman’s love, 2017 Jay-Z has learned many lessons that I’m sure he wishes he could impart upon 1996 Jay-Z (and maybe other brothers who are in constant battle with themselves foremost).
- Therapy can help Black men uncover a lot of shit that is holding them back.
- Hurt people hurt people.
- Most Black men who react to miniscule transgressions with violence are actually afraid of being seen and of being vulnerable.
- Being invulnerable and shutting down their emotions makes truly connecting with the people Black men claim to love impossible.
- Developing emotional intelligence can make Black men’s lives better and easier.
- “The strongest thing a man can do is cry. To expose your feelings, to be vulnerable in front of the world. That’s real strength. You know, you feel like you gotta be this guarded person. That’s not real. It’s fake.”
- “The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself.”
While I wanted to feel good about Jay-Z’s process of maturation and his growth as a human being, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I watched his interview.
I am so fucking tired of being tasked with applauding Black men for finally growing up (way too late) and seemingly, every-damn-time, at the expense of Black womens’ minds, bodies, and souls.
To be clear, my hard eye roll wasn’t necessarily directed at Jay-Z, his infidelity and obvious mental and emotional abuse of his wife, or his ability to finally halt his abusive behaviors to create a better life for himself and his family. Kudos to him.
Actually, kudos to Beyoncé for being willing to forgive him instead of leaving his ass in the dust via a high-powered divorce attorney. Because that would have been a decision not one person in the entire world would have questioned (besides those #TeamFuture fuckboys who regularly spread their hate for women and all things feminine throughout the internet, but I digress).
I am tired of Black women being expected to be the cocoon, to be the second womb, to Black men, who way-too-often are not able to reciprocate the same nurturing and care.
It’s not because Beyonce’s experience with betrayal and infidelity mirror my own and those of almost every single woman I know. Rather, it is because loving Black men through their inner pain and abusive behavior is not only an expectation of Black women, but an emotional labor that is rarely even acknowledged, let alone appreciated.
I wonder where the comparable narrative is. Where the kind, patient, nurturing Black men are, who stand by their Black woman partners, allowing those women fuck up time and time again.
These narratives appear to be absent. Because if we were to offer such narratives of Black women being compassionately held close as they grow into their better selves, we might be accused normalizing “unladylike” behavior.
But somehow there is still space for Black men to behave like Jay-Z; they need the offer of love and care as they behave badly, because the world is often so cruel to them.
RELATED: Black men, we need to acknowledge that we are the problem. Let’s talk toxic masculinity.
I imagine a world where Black men don’t use Black women’s obvious steadfast and unyielding love for them as a reason to be irresponsible with those same Black women’s hearts, minds, and bodies. A world where Black men own the toxic masculinity that not only damages the people they love, but also damages them so deeply that they have to make songs cry.
A world where therapy and counseling doesn’t come to Black men as a compromise that is part of a mediation agreement that will hopefully help them avoid losing everything they love and value in life. A world where people work to become whole and healthy in relationships with other people, so that cycles of pain and violence can be ushered out of Black love relationships, and thus Black communities.
I believe such a world is possible. And we can begin to build such a world by not expecting Black women to bound themselves to trauma and pain, so that Black men can become more free.
Josie Pickens is a professor, cultural critic, writer and griot. Follow her on Twitter at @jonubian.
I feel the author but realistically at the same time, what Black person in Amerikkka ain’t broken? What Black person in this country ain’t carrying baggage? We all need to focus on healing even when it hurts. Not saying women should welcome more pain in addition to the pain they already have, but that it should be expected that relationships will have its hardships and decide if we are willing to be all in or if we need to bail. If healing can’t take place in the relationship, and all you are receiving is caked up hurt then it is best to retreat. #WARzone
I love Jo and her mind. However, I feel this is another salvo fired in the ‘us vs them’, ‘nurturer vs destroyer’ narrative that seems to add more divisiveness to Black relationships, rather than serve to heal them. I really hope there is a counterpoint, a Brother who can eloquently answer this narrative with a male perspective that explains the whys and hows of the venom of otherwise righteous indignation that is beautifully shared here. There has to be a reason that Black women are experiencing these realities at the hands of Black men. We need to stand up and offer reasons (not to be mistaken as excuses) for our deeds. I think we will find a lot of answers that point at each other, and a whole host of external reasons for why we treat each other so foreign.
Gentlemen your losing them. Some self reflection is in order.
Calling b.s. each person is responsible for healing themselves and presenting a while individual to their partner. There are no ifs, and, or buts to that. It’s best not to begin the relationship if u aren’t ready. Relationships don’t have to have hardships. Each one will have its share of growing pains, but trauma is not a prerequisite to love.
Where did retreat appear in this article? There are reasons and they are explained in the article. It is not an us vs them. It’s a treatise to being tired. It is the expression of ‘we have had enough. Is it divisive to tell the people you have lived for lifetimes that they are taking advantage of the level of love u have for them? Is it divisive to stand down from trying to fix what you didn’t break? Our history in this country is the #1 factor in this debacle. The stereotype of black women being the mule is still relevant, and when we do not choose to feed that stereotype, we become our ‘other made persona; the whore. We want a world where we are valued as much as we value you.
I think it’s a good idea to call attention to the abuse black women are enduring from/for our own community. Cuz folks out here acting like it’s protocol and giving no respect.
There is no doubt that Black women have pushed the culture and advancement of this country, socially and in every other way, farther and faster that it would have been if left unquestioned and unchallenged. In every small way Black women are packaged, stolen from intellectually etc, the world owes a debt of gratitude and thanks from places and positions of real influence and power. That being said, Black men are othered and placed under a cloud of derision, speculation, and ridicule that no other demographic can even understand… Except for Black women. So, and I think we can all agree on my last sentence, that being known how do we fix it? How do Black men explain, in micro detail, their feelings and experiences, especially at the hands of our wives, mothers, sisters etc, without the back and forth? With acceptance? With open-mindedness from both sides that does not devolve into defensive postures that are tantamount to comparing bad traits and misgivings on a scorecard? Black women have done an awesome job detailing their multi-faceted experiences in powerful and colorful ways. Is there space for us to do the same?
Amen.
There could be space, but I would rather know how Black men will stop doing those things and stop raising other Black boys to do those very same things. Also, Black men telling Black women why they do what they do really will not solve anything. It would be beneficial for Black men to know and understand the what, why, and how so that they can come up with solutions to change the behavior.
The problem with your statement is that you totally separate the responsibility that women have in rearing young men who turn into Jay Z-types. No, I’m not shirking the responsibility solely on women, but the effects of broken, emotionally retarded, and irrationally unsophisticated men is not a MAN problem, but is, factually, a culture issue. Let’s start there. What in our culture makes it palatable to rear our children to be individuals, without a sense of community or responsibility, and then expect them to be dynamic adults. Jay Z’s path has lead him in a way that shows the leaders who were responsible for shaping him failed to teach him that there was a world beyond Marcy, which leads me to believe that he ultimately had to unpack his life lessons to gain the proper perspective to include things like self awareness, couth, fidelity etc. This is truly an American issue: desensitization of males to not include passion and feelings.
I get it: women are tired of having to suffer fools. What are WE…. collectively to do about it in a manner that doesn’t place blame (we all see it, we all know what is going on, so why rehash the obvious.) and results in culture change?
I cannot pretend to understand the plight of women, no more than I can pretend to understand the plight of immigrants… To be a person without a country and no one to understand their language and having unique barriers that only someone who looks like and sounds like them will truly be able to translate and feel. I am open. The Black men who I know, married and single, are open. Let’s talk.
Without properly discussing the Root cause of this particular dynamic there will never be reconciliation just the same ole virtual hamster wheel….
Great! I’m sick of it too! Let’s discuss raising our sons with the same expectations that we have of our daughters.
Notice how the convo stopped when you use too much logic? When you admit your wrong and want to fix things? Some of us just want to argue. I respect your view Kevin and I agree
Which is? Whats the root?
And even if we figure out the root cause do we care?
I think the level of resentment is really really high
This problem is very simple. Black men need to raise black boys to love and appreciate black women.
Black Americans, over 60% of families are being raised by single mothers. If the mothers could raise great upstanding respectful men by themselves then the black communities would be in a much better place.
I also think many black women have contempt and resentment for black men because of their own personal poor experiences with black men, most of which started with their own father and continued with cheating boyfriends.
The key is for black women to choose carefully who you get involved with and not have children with the lousy black men that way the good black men can find the good black women. Natural selection if you will.
Hypothetically, if a woman walked up to you and repeatedly kicked you in the balls, would you care about her logic behind what she was doing? Or would you just simply want her to stop hurting you and get herself together so that she wouldn’t hurt you or anybody else in the future?
I’ll wait…
You do not seem genuinely concerned about the situation your attention is more focused on resentment.
Are you black?
This is why black men date out of their race. I’m happy this was published
Black Women: I am tired of Black women being expected to be the cocoon, to be the
second womb, to Black men.
Other Women: I’m my mans cocoon, the second womb. I’m here to help my man grow.
The choice is pretty simple which one I’m going to pick. Is there really anything left to debate?
Mothering Black men is one of Black women’s various jobs. All women of all races mother their sons, brothers and husbands as they grow, such is a mother’s responsibility. But if you don’t want to “mother” black men, you can go mother some other man and get the heck away from Black men. And be declared a sellout when you do. That is all. As a black man I grow tired of hearing “I am tired” from some Black women. I don’t see the same from other women, so I need not hear it from you.
Any Black woman who believes as the article writer does is not worth fighting to keep.
Me everywhere, including Black men, are less emotional and do less caring as per our nature. We go to therapy less often and so on. Any Black woman that expects Black men to become more caring, when that is not men’s way, is a woman asking for the impossible anyway.
As such, the article writer can go “mother” something else and leave black men out of her contrived BS articles. She’ll do her job with black men or she’ll do her job with a racist — but she’ll do her job.
The article is an “us vs. them”, “black men vs. black women”, screed. The article writer is essentially “tired of black men”. Are Arab women “tired” of Arab men? I doubt it. Men and women take advantage of each other. That’s the same among black people as everyone else. Any Black women who is tired of fighting for Black people–who she thinks she is a mule for doing so–can go fight for someone and something else. But in the end every Black woman has something she fights to have, so she is a mule anyway. The only difference is that she does not think being black is important enough. In that case she and all other black women–including–can screw right off.
There is nothing Black men can do to stop poverty, and the crime which results from it. Any Black women who are tired of Black men is free to jump in a lake. Black women will accept and stop generalizing Black men–or Black women won’t. Black men cannot change that some Black women hate us. All we can do is live and try to do what is best for our people.
Women wholesale are not the same as Blacks. Frankly, if Black women believe they are “hurting” from Black men–who are the only reason Black women exist on this Earth now and forever–Black women are free to go away. Then Black women will find out what invisibility, hurt and pain really is.
I nor any other Black men know what you’re talking about. Many Black women believe Black men not doing exactly what Black women want is “hurting Black women”. Black men ought not to do anything about this. Such women will have to deal or go away. Simple as that.
Women whom are not happy with men are free to leave. Ultimately Black men are who we are — and we are varied and imperfect. Any Black women who believes this is a insurmountable problem is free to sell out and begone. Trauma is moreso a part of a Black man’s part than of many others. Accept our trauma or accept another’s, but we owe you nothing either way.
That’s all I’m saying. Thank you!
So we’re not tired of Black men and we prove that by doing any and everything for you. That’s clear. We’re tired of that appreciation not being reciprocated. Again, Black men need to understand why they say and do what they do so they can nip it all in the bud. You can certainly provide me with your reasoning, but if you continue the behavior just because you explained why you do it then it’s pointless and that’s not what we want. Show me the change. And, we both need each other. You’re sperm does not to all the work. Once it leaves your body all the responsibility is on us, literally and figuratively.
So I believe that women are more willing to have this talk and make the necessary changes (hence why we feel like cocoons). Men, as stated in the piece we’re all commenting on, do not think to exhaust all resources. How many Black men seek professional assistance when they or their relationships are in shambles? I mean before you get to the point where you’ve stepped out? I’ve heard this said quite a few times from men, “Just because I cheat it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” Like for real? But, if a woman we’re to even have just as much of a thought that she would cheat she’s persecuted. And that’s not even what we want to do anyway. We want to love our men and have them love us; respect us the same way they expect respect; and live to raise children in an environment that’s not hostile. Is that too much to ask? We just need y’all to come to the table, and with more than, “I’m a man and this is what we do.”
No I am not 16 years old we are not talking about petty fucking squabbles I am talking about hurt like MURDER which we are most likely to receive from BLACK MEN, pedophile uncle’s in our homes but we call the little girls fast, MENTAL ABUSE, GASLIGHTING (what you are doing now by telling me what I see is not real or is my fault because I am just not letting you have my way smfh), cheating for years, abandonment, calling black women with more than 1 baby or a divorce “useless” or unworthy of care, telling us white women are winning or better, the fact that we go missing more than ANY OTHER HUMAN IN THE USA but no one, not even Black Men, organize and riot to find us. I was talking about REAL ABUSE that results in DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. Like fuck focus. When Black Women speak please listen beyond your ego if you really are our Kings.
As well as, there are kind, patient and nurturing black men who want to stand by their black woman, allowing them to fuvk up, but unfortunately those same women are too quick to leave, with the mantra, I can do bad by myself.
It depends on if she had some kind of trauma in her past or was made to be this way. If that was so, I’d have more patience and empathy.
Your nature is NOT to be less caring. That is a fallacy. That is very european and less human. You are not making any sense. Giving the excuse of being less loving and caring suggests other issues. The article is about not mothering our men, and maintaining an expectation of their care for us. Now if you can’t keep up, then say so.
Yes let’s discuss it.
They explain, by explaining. Back and forth does not in anyway mean you are not accepted. It doesn’t mean in anyway that we won’t listen and understand. It is in the way we approach this ‘telling’ that will save us. There is always space for you to do the same. But be clear hurt folks listen with different ears. That is something we all have to work out. I do SO appreciate you reply. It is genuine and it is very, very, welcomed.
One of the biggest issues black men seem to have is that struggle against being vulnerable. Let it go. Say it. Be honest. Do not ever be afraid to open that door. We can manage open flood gates.
“…but the effects of broken, emotionally retarded, and irrationally unsophisticated men is not a MAN problem.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. The poster didn’t absolve women of their responsibility. She said that men need to dig into themselves and identify and manage what is causing this angst among us. That, is a man problem.
What we do is listen, with out blame. Actually hear what the other is saying WITHOUT taking things personally. The plight of our women, you should understand. We are a people without a country. That hasn’t changed and has been our issue from the first of our feet to touch this country.
I understand the voice and language of the piece now, and that makes 100% sense. Thank you.
How did the convo stop when logic was introduced. Your statement suggests an emotional response. Why would you say that after Brooke’s response? She is clear and in no way laying blame. Her request is reasonable.
We have all experienced the trauma though. It is as much a part of our culture in this country as anything else we have adopted.
Foolishness. So here we have you deflecting any part you may have played in the mess we are all in. How is that helpful? Black men are not the reason we exist on this planet. Why was that necessary to say? Are you suggesting a superiority play here?
There is plenty Black men can do to stop poverty and crime. Believing otherwise is faulty.
Women get tired of men. Men get tired of women. Being Arab doesn’t change that. That’s silly and entirely too generalized. You are clearly not familiar with the stereotypes of black women in this country. We are not the mule for fighting for what we fight for. That doesn’t make any sense. When did being black not become important enough?
It is a part of what we do for our CHILDREN. We do not mother our husbands. We are not substitutes for who gave birth to them. We are helpmates to one another. We are partners. We are a team. Why would you hear from other women that they are tired? Why would they discuss that with you, instead of among themselves, as we all usually do. That doesn’t make sense.
So I guess you don’t watch the news or keep abreast of the violence committed by our men against women and girls. Got it. We aren’t talking about people who happen to be selfish.
Who is saying we are not here to help each other grow? What the author is discussing is dealing with men who are not responsible for their actions and maintaining the expectation of having a second mother. ‘Other’ women don’t feel any different. Don’t believe the hype.
I agree. I’m not sure how we continually leave out our history in this country when we talk about this subject specifically
Free to leave and go where exactly? Everyone is varied and imperfect. That is a human phenomena. Sell out and begone for what? Nothing is insurmountable, but that isn’t for us to fix.
Raising our boys to love and appreciate us is completely key. Mother’s rising children on their own is not a new phenomena for our cultural group. We can’t speak on that unless we include our history in the discussion. We have been raising our children on our own for generations. We just hone in on what white folks are honing in on and believing it is new or some kind of anomaly. It really isn’t. Being a single mother IN NO WAY means that she is parenting alone. I wish folks would recognize that. Women can raise respectful, civic, educated, empowered, humans; boys or girls. So can men. The key for all of us is to choose wisely
Yes I’m black. And we have to focus on the resentment because that is what keeps the cycle going. The only way to fix it is to fix the black family structure. There are some black women and black men who really love black people, the rest are just filled with resentment and emotional baggage
When dealing with any problematic situation you should deal with the cause of the situation It makes me think of when you have weeds in your lawn the best way to banish them is to pull them up from the root….always deal with the root of a situation
Agreed
Marriage has never been easy and most people are getting married so they
can receive something, the true nature of marriage is giving and the
problem start when you are not receiving. You end up divorcing and you
see most mother today directing the hate they have for their ex-husband
of boyfriend toward their kids. That why you see men that don’t know how
to care for a woman because they never learn from anybody but rappers
on TV, on the other side you have women that don’t know how to pick the
right man because they all want the rich and charming prince. It’s is a
circle and as long as we don’t take a pause and ask ourselves what am I
doing, what do i really want? We have 24 hours in a day and yet how much do you give yourself
to seek wisdom,knowledge,understanding. Even our communication has lost meaning because we lack that emotional understanding, everybody thinks they are sufficient by themselves. God did not create man alone or give you one finger instead of five.
we need our BOYS to break records for attending college, preferably HBCUs.
Black men murder other black men more than we do Black women. That said, Black men don’t complain about it because the problem is poverty and joblessness, not anything related to gender. Poor people also run away from home more than richer people. The issue there, for black girls as much as anyone else, is poverty not race. Furthermore, pedophilia among Black men is uncommon, whatever nonsense you say otherwise. To whit, there are a glut of white pedophile all over Hollywood and America who don’t even see criminal courts, let alone a jail cell. So all stats underestimate how many white pedophiles exist and commit crimes by default. Worry about that, not your delusions about black pedophiles. Alternatively, all men cheat, abandon (which are not always men’s fault), and deem women with a child or a divorcee less valuable. These actions and ideas are not limited to black men. Many Black women don’t like nerdy and geeky Black men. Give an ugly Black man a chance. Black women DO NOT EXPERIENCE ANYMORE ABUSE than Black men do.
All races of women go through violence. Black men go through more violence than any other people in the USA. Yet you don’t see us damning Black men for it. The problem is poverty not race. The news has no bearing on the facts. You blame the Black men for poverty in a white country? Blame the sky for the cold weather in the Northeast too.
We ask women to work with us and help us and be our companions. Insofar as this is concerned, Black women and all women have to do all of the above. Any woman who doesn’t want to work with Black men, or “fix” with Black men, we don’t need. When Nazi shells fell over Britain in World War 2, Birtish white women knew their British white men had made mistakes in deferring to Hitler rather than attacking him at outset. The consequence was the destruction of Britain.Yet British white women worked to fix the British white man’s mistakes because that is what was best for the white British people. The point here is that only Black women need to be convinced to do what other races of women do automatically and without complaint. Begone if you will challenge Black men rather than work with us. I have enough enemies. I don’t need another simpering resentful one so close to me. Stand with us or against us.
Encouraging some number of Black men to be more responsible and ambition is a fine thing, and palatable as such, but negatively construing Black women’s roles as gatekeepers to the Black race is wrongheaded and regressive. Non black women too are caretakers of their own respective races. . That, along with partnership and companionship, is their job too. Notice they do not complain and forsake their duty on account of how “hard” it is. They do not ask for medals for defending their people. Sometimesa Black woman will have to deal with a husband who is a little absent-minded or one that isn’t. And so on. Push him and other Black men to do more without the litany of hate-filled epithets and attacks.
Less emotional? That depends on what you define as emotional. All human beings are emotional—even men. This idea that only women are emotional is a bunch of BS. Being non-emotional dosen’t make you stronger or more superior, and being emotional sure is hell doen’t make you weak. That only what society tells you a man has to be like,which is ridiculous and based on outdated notions of what a man should act like. And I have met caring,thoughtful black men over the years, so for you claim that they can’t be—obviously you have a problem with whatever your definition of being a man is.
That is SO not true. Women in general experience most abuse simply because as women, we are percieved as easier and weaker targets. And,yes, black pedophile exist too—I don’t know who told you that they don’t. You just don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, with your wanting to sound superior tone and attitude.
Just shut the hell up with your arrogant behind—you seem to think that black women are supposed to just get on board with black men without ever calling them on their bull****—get real,please. And black women do not exist for black men alone—where the hell are you coming from with that BS,too? You need to get the hell off your high horse, stop looking down on black women and everybody else, and realize you’e human and that you f***-up just like anybody else. Your intelligence doen’t exclude you from the rest of us like you think it does. Black women are people with their own desires and issues just like anybody else. The world dosen’t revolve around you and your I’m-so-superior-to everyone-bull****—you’re just a narcissistic,sexist fool. I seriously doubt any woman wants to be around you for more than five minutes.
What the hell are you talking about? Dude, you don’t know jack about black women, and you clearly have a hard time even seeing us as people. Just shut the hell up already,please.
Dude, let’s get this straight—you completely ignore the fact that there are black women who take care of black men, but sometimes don’t get taken care of, or appreciated in turn. And if you think non-black women don’t have issues with non-black man, you must have been living in a damn cave somewhere for decades, because they always have, and sure as hell do. The point other were trying to make is that it is not a grown woman’s job to “mother” an already grown man. Apparently that’s the part you didn’t get, and still refuse to understand. Black women have already done and continue to do enough lifting of the community around us—we’re just want some appreciation. Tired of your arrogant a** trying to tell us what the hell should do.
This is why black men date non-black women”–uh,what? You do know that black woman date non-black men too,right? Black men don’t have a claim on interracial dating,you know. The point the author was trying to make (which you and allday couldn’t see past your own issues with women long enough to see where she was coming from) is that black women have been helping brothers and everybody else forever and a damn day, and not receiving either credit for it, or being taken for granted, and not receiving care in return. What part of that is so damn hard for you to understand?
First of all, most black men DONT date outside their race and choose BLACK women so stop spreading that lie to satisfy your own selfish agenda. Second of all, the black men that do make a CONSCIOUS decision to specifically date outside their race clearly have issues and/or suffer from self hate and should seek therapy immediately! Hopefully, you don’t and never will have daughters because I’d like to see you explain to a little black girl why a black boy shouldnt choose her because she’s black and instead should choose any other girl but a black girl. Third of all, I personally know a couple of non-black women who happen to be dating a black man at this time and interestingly enough, they would never choose to date a black man who thinks like you…a black man who has no respect for his own race of women and chose to date her specifically for her non-black skin. Also, stop acting like all other races of women checking for black men because that’s simply NOT the truth. Some black men say not to generalize them as a whole and not to feed into their negative stereotypes but some black men seem to never waste an opportunity to negatively generalize black women and when they want to justify their reason to only date outside their race. Then you always positively generalize NON black women, like they are all angels of light and have no shortcomings. For someone who sounds like he doesnt love, care about, or appreciate black women, I find it fascinating that you’re so interested in them so much that you would stop to take the time out to comment on this BLACK woman’s article. If you have no interest in black women anyway, just bypass the article and keep it moving.
Excuse me??? “The only reason black women exist on this earth now and forever” Did I miss something?? Since when did men start birthing babies?? Where were you when we were being raped by the white man for 400 years?
Standing by and doing nothing.
I don’t mean to say that Black men are not caring in an absolutely sense. But that, on average, men in general are *less caring* than women. The same general trend exists for black men and black women. Women’s nature is to be more nurturing; men’s nature is more bullish. However there are many caring, thoughtful and sensitive Black men (like myself). The author of this article, however, stereotypes Black men and conviently places us all in a box, without considering men’s general nature or the diversity of black men in general. The author writer, in short, simply hates black men. She is not worth fighting over. She is lost and food for the oppressor.
She will act like a woman and do as she’s told for Black men or for the racists who call her “darkie” on the white male forums. Pity she doesn’t know it.
I don’t mean to say that Black men are not caring in an absolutely
sense. But that, on average, men in general are *less caring* than
women. The same general trend exists for black men and black women.
Women’s nature is to be more nurturing; men’s nature is more bullish.
However there are many caring, thoughtful and sensitive Black men (like
myself). The author of this article, however, stereotypes Black men and
conviently places us all in a box, without considering men’s general
nature or the diversity of black men in general. The author writer, in
short, simply hates black men. She is not worth fighting over. She is
lost and food for the oppressor.
She will act like a woman and do as she’s told for Black men or for the racists who call her “darkie” and say she’s “easy” on the white male forums. Pity she doe not know it.
That is not true. In context, Black men experience more crime–assault, robbery, hate crime–than Black women. Now in a vacuum, Black women are easier targets and thus targeted more than any man–white, Mexican, etc–but overall Black men go through worse than Black women with respects to cops, justice, employment, everything. Most lynchings, even, were committed against Black men, not Black women.
Many women describe “mothering” their men. I see white women write about how white men can’t even use “coasters” properly and don’t clean up after themselves. So what is the difference then between Black men and White men? The difference is that White women are more reasonable, actually like White men and don’t have ridiculous expectations about being a woman in a relationship. Women cook, clean, and do things for their husband. That’s life.
Yes, Black men are the only reason Black women exist now and forever. Black men create Black women. Whereever there are no Black men, there is no Black women population, culture, presence or otherwise. The white man’s rape of Black women was limited to a small number of white men (only rich white men owned slaves); diluted by the
constant arrival of black male slaves to erase white male genes; & the rape discontinued abruptly after slavery ended. Miscegenation laws took effect, and so for the last 250 years white men have not raped Black women. Instead Black men have bred Black women, which is why Black people even exist.
If white men had continued breeding with Black women, voluntarily or through force, the Black race would have been wiped out by breeding out like the Native race was wiped out by breeding out. You need only look to Brazil and Argentina to see what happens when Black women exist after Black men are gone. Black women in Argentina were used as cumrags by white men and Black women hence bred out the Black race. Black women become white supremacist surrogates and destroyed everything black people are and ever will be: black economy, black culture, black genetics, etc.
So after reading the above, the case is clear that Black men are the reason Black women even exist. Black women are free to do what every other women does, and protect their men and race, or betray Black men and destroy Black women, men, children, history, culture and people. I don’t have much faith in Black women though. You already have destroyed Black people in Argentina and Brazil by breeding with white men. The past predicts the future, bedwench.
Black women are to get along with Black men, and suffer our indignities, or get along with the white oppressor, and suffer his. Black women will choose to stand with Black men, like Black women have stood with us for 300 years, and borne the benefit of it. Or kneel in front of oppressors and destroy everything Black women strive to accomplish. Disgrace Harriet Tubman and all others. Go ask the Black women in Argentina and Brazil for their struggles (the ones who still exist). It is 100x times worse than yours. Black women in the USA have gotten where they are – 40 million people, a culture all their own, cultural music and tomes – through respecting black people and black heritage through actions (not words). So honor Black men…or don’t. Black men cannot make Black women love us. All we can do is try – and let go.
Some Black women do what all Black people, ideally, should do. Black women should not expect a medal for being problack and doing what is expected, like White women should not expect a medal for supporting white men and doing what is expected of them. White women asked for no medal for their loyalty throughout white men fucking Native women and so Black women should ask for no medal for Black women’s loyalty in supporting Black men. Supporting, helping Black men is good for Black men AND women. Any Black women who gives Black men an ultimatum cares nothing for Black people. That Black women does not care for Black people in the first place. A true problack person does not do things for black people for “reciprocation”. This is not the oppression olympics.
In an absolute sense, sure Black men can ameliorate poverty and crime through working to end poverty. But attacking Black men for poverty, like we are to blame for it directly, rather than it being an institutional and black person thing-to-fix, is counterproductive and smacks of treachery. if you don’t like Black men, or care for Black children (fucking white oppressors is the opposite), then begone and do your master’s bidding. Our enemy is you.
All women are mules. In other words, all women work to one man’s end or another man’s end. Either Black women work to the Black men’s ends or Black women work for a racist man’s end. When White men killed Native men and raped Native women to the Native race’s extinction, Native women muled for White men after a long history of muling for Native men. In the end, Native women muled away. Likewise, Black women mule anyway, either for Black men or for another. The only question is who Black women choose to mule under. Does the Black women choose to mule for the Black men for the benefit of the Black race, Black men, women and children? Or does she mule for white, or Arab, or Asian supremacy in choosing a non-black man? History tells us what happens with either choice. Arab women mule for Arab men and reap the benefits for it. White women mule for White men and reap the benefits for it. Black women muled for White men in Argentina and went extinct. Choose.
Arab women mother Arab men worse and Arab women don’t complain. Arab women take care of Arab men and aren’t taken care of or appreciated in turn. In fact, in Arab male society, Arab women are not taken care of or appreciated at all. Arab men have multiple wives, cheat on their women en masse, and treat their women like punching bags. Nevertheless, Arab women do not ask for medals or reciprocation from Arab men (Arab male oppressors in fact). Arab women know that they benefit for helping Arab men in that they are helping their people, families, children and race. These facts seem to escape Black women like you. And as a Black man, if you cannot see the logic in helping Black men (and not expecting any “reciprocation), then you are simply a traitor. For logic dictates that Black women gain when Black men gain, and that neither Black women should ever abandon their responsibilities to Black men and people, whatever the cost. The alternative is always worse. Black women like you who have made up their minds to attack their own race and do their oppressor’s bidding are lost, and Black men should not spend 1 second of our time trying to save you. Arab women don’t ask for “appreciation” (whatever that means), and neither should you. Traitors and enemies deserve ostracization and death, not healing. Many black men agree with me. Black men waste our time trying to convince racists, sexists and black man haters of our humanity and the benefits of helping us, and black people, grow.