Letter to Tainted Love
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkPy4yq7EJo
Dear, Womyn at Irving Park wearing Bert’s Bees,
Over a year ago one of the greatest times of my life came to a close. But closure hasn’t delivered until a year and 8 months later (now). I had the time of my life riding around Lakeview with someone I adored, listening to sexy beast (a neo soul mix), making the seasons romantic. She left softly; spoke little words—gave me a song actually—and left me without understanding. So I listened. It all makes sense now; “I had to set you free, away from me, to see clearly, the way that love can be, when you are not with me.”
An ex-girlfriend of mine could not love me, because it wasn’t an honest expression of her romantic energy. I guess her back was always up against heterosexual conformity; confronting all the rumors of her liking womyn, I dismissed the possibility as experimental. They didn’t have any weight because all that matter was the status quo, she was with me. Indeed, I gave her the equivalent of my energy in an entire soul, and complimented it with an “I love you.” The honesty of her response, I imagine, was always killing her, but she proceeded: “I love you too.” That was some time ago, she freed herself; Most of my pain, though, lasted a long time due to clues and not resolution.
She’s truly in love now with her new girlfriend. I see our history (my ex and I) as part her total and personal movement toward living in truth; I just wish that I could’ve been the one she could be herself around; for romance’s sake, I loved her. When we let our nakedness erupt from the practicality of being uniform, love mediates peace, and only there does love become real. Love for 2011 and beyond requires breathable conditions. If we can’t recognize the possibilities—those of being lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-gender—and allow them to drive hearts into euphoria then love will always be tainted.
I haven’t spoken to my ex yet, and that’s because I couldn’t figure out where my sadness was coming from. It’s bigger than closure. My imprisonment of her heart overclouded by the fulfillment of mine upset me. We should’ve both been singing pretty wings. You say that you had to let me go because you knew it wasn’t working, but I had to let you go so that you could honestly say “I love you.” I understand now.
Sincerely,
Man that left a MF Doom cd in your changer
Oh, Man who held my CD changer hostage,
I begin by commending and thanking you for addressing an important issue. Our heterosexual society has ingrained itself so deeply I myself occasionally fall into shameful assumptions. So many live their lives in which you have named perfectly, a tainted love.
Yet, I’ve never had a tainted love. My lack of answers has driven you to find in-depth answers to what is honestly just a break up. In your search for understanding however there are a few facts you over looked. The first of those being, I was in love with a man for 2 years right before I meet you. Though we did separate, I have never to this day denied the fact that I was in love with him.
Secondly, there were no rumors of me liking women, I personally told you this. I recall introducing you to one woman in particular and I informed you of our past because we still hung out. However, the fact that you dismissed this and categorized it as “experimental” is understandable. In our society it is not enough to say you are simply interested in the same sex. The first assumption is that the person is “experimenting” and after a little bit more time has passed it is referred to as a “phase.” One is only taken seriously after they have entered into a serious relationship, others it takes several, and sadly enough some never are. Nonetheless, you were correct in assuming at the time that it was irrelevant. We were in a relationship and the fact of which gender I had interest in didn’t matter as I was loyal to you at the time.
Thirdly, you have failed to ask me if I will ever date a man again. Though as previously stated since I am once again in a relationship the question of my sexuality is currently irrelevant.
Tre, me now being in love with a woman has nothing to do with the reason why I could not reciprocate your feelings. I comprehend that it is easier to say I did not share the love you had for me because I am a lesbian but, that is not the case. In the end, it just comes down to a simple it was not there for me.
“I had to set you free, away from me to see clearly. The way that love can be when you are not with me.”
I had to let you go so you could be loved properly. You deserved no less than you gave and I wasn’t providing that. Hopefully now that you have closure you can fly your wings . . . they truly are pretty.
Sincerely,
Woman who warned you but still should have saved you from heartache and confusion
Oh, Man who held my CD changer hostage,
I begin by commending and thanking you for addressing an important issue. Our heterosexual society has ingrained itself so deeply I myself occasionally fall into shameful assumptions. So many live their lives in which you have named perfectly, a tainted love.
Yet, I’ve never had a tainted love. My lack of answers has driven you to find in-depth answers to what is honestly just a break up. In your search for understanding however there are a few facts you over looked. The first of those being, I was in love with a man for 2 years right before I meet you. Though we did separate, I have never to this day denied the fact that I was in love with him.
Secondly, there were no rumors of me liking women, I personally told you this. I recall introducing you to one woman in particular and I informed you of our past because we still hung out. However, the fact that you dismissed this and categorized it as “experimental” is understandable. In our society it is not enough to say you are simply interested in the same sex. The first assumption is that the person is “experimenting” and after a little bit more time has passed it is referred to as a “phase.” One is only taken seriously after they have entered into a serious relationship, others it takes several, and sadly enough some never are. Nonetheless, you were correct in assuming at the time that it was irrelevant. We were in a relationship and the fact of which gender I had interest in didn’t matter as I was loyal to you at the time.
Thirdly, you have failed to ask me if I will ever date a man again. Though as previously stated since I am once again in a relationship the question of my sexuality is currently irrelevant.
Tre, me now being in love with a woman has nothing to do with the reason why I could not reciprocate your feelings. I comprehend that it is easier to say I did not share the love you had for me because I am a lesbian but, that is not the case. In the end, it just comes down to a simple it was not there for me.
“I had to set you free, away from me to see clearly. The way that love can be when you are not with me.”
I had to let you go so you could be loved properly. You deserved no less than you gave and I wasn’t providing that. Hopefully now that you have closure you can fly your wings . . . they truly are pretty.
Sincerely,
Woman who warned you but still should have saved you from heartache and confusion
Wow. Took some time to put those pieces together, but in the end the puzzle was the image of love in whole.
Wow. Took some time to put those pieces together, but in the end the puzzle was the image of love in whole.