WORLD AIDS DAY: Reflections and Memories
In honor of World AIDS Day 2009, I want to open up a conversation/discussion about sex.
Sex makes me nervous! I get nervous both before and after sex. I am nervous because in my head I picture this spinning chart of numbers and statistics that makes me realize that sex is the ultimate Russian roulette. You pull the trigger you get a risk-free nut; you pull the trigger again and you get a parting gift.
After having sex, I hate the immediate realization that I am at risk for a slew of different diseases: Herpes, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, HPV and HIV are just a few of the “gifts that keep on giving,” especially for us black folk. After that thought come the charts and statistics:
Among adolescents aged 15–19 years, the highest rates of chlamydia occurred among non-Hispanic black females (8,858.1 cases per 100,000 population), compared with non-Hispanic black males (2,195.4 cases per 100,000 population)
A similar pattern among adolescents aged 15–19 years was recorded for gonorrhea, with the highest rates occurring among non-Hispanic black females (2,829.6 cases per 100,000 population), compared with non-Hispanic black males (1,467.6 cases per 100,000 population)
As a sexually active person, and a STI/STD-prevention worker, it is my job to stay informed and know all of these charts, graphs, and statistics. Being informed comes with the price of being hyper-alert about sexual risks. I am a black, gay male which makes me a member of two high-risk groups in terms of HIV/AIDS transmission and prevalency rates. Promiscuous or not, knowing the guy’s name or not, I realize each time that I have sex puts me at risk. What are your thoughts about your risk?
In 2007, according to the CDC data, blacks accounted for 51percent of the 42,655 new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 34 states with long term confidential name-based HIV reporting. Blacks accounted for 48 percent of the 551, 932 persons living with HIV/AIDS in the 34 states. The modes of transmission for black men were: 1)sex with other men. 2) injection drug use, and 3) high-risk heterosexual contact. The modes of transmission for women were: 1) high-risk heterosexual contact, and 2) injection drug use.
In June 2005, the CDC released a report on a five city study in which they found an HIV prevalence rate of 46 percent among black gay men. Although some black gay men say the sample is not big enough to make that conclusion, I found it alarming given the sample size that such a high prevalence rate was found among the black men tested compared to the other groups’ rates. Black gay leaders made speeches about the study and its implications. Only a few gave the speech I wanted to hear, which is mobolizing black gay men to take our concerns to White House. In 2005, I think many people were too busy twirlin at the local punk bars (cited in the study) to get the high-powered folks in Washington DC deeply concerned about black gay men’s health. At the same time as the invisible black gay crisis, people recognized that black women were bearing the brunt of the HIV/AIDS infection among women.
On December 1st 2009, World AIDS Day, I found myself in a conversation with a group of Delta Sigma Thetas sorority members. We were talking about HIV/AIDS, when one woman raised a concern about dating and having sex with DL men. Although many liberals frown upon this conversation starter, I think it is a healthy initial step toward awareness.
In the conversation, the young woman pressed how she just does not feel comfortable dating or having sex with folks who are closeted bisexuals. I shared with her that I too don’t feel comfortable dating or having sex with folks who are closeted bisexuals. We explored her concern about the mythic DL—disease carrying—brotha out to infect her—the upright Christian—black woman. I mean HIV/AIDS is often times a 100 percent preventable, particularly contracting it by sexual intercourse (USE a CONDOM). What she and I understood was her fear was more about her boyfriend liking dick (read: penis) as much as she apparently does.
All jokes aside, how did you commemorate World AIDS Day? Have you lost someone to AIDS complications? What are your concerns about sex; are you nervous like me?
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IACG8j1GjU0
Years ago, i was extremely nervous about contracting HIV. But now, not so much. I too am a trained HIV educator and let me tell you, when you know the facts, a great deal of the fear subsides. It’s funny you mention conversing with a sister from the DST sorority. Just the other day, i was telling my sister that the rate of HIV for the black female segment of the community is ridiculously too high and that I know why these rates are so high–we;re not getting the much needed prevention messages that we need. Now of course, i am very aware of the ineffectiveness of cross cultural interviews and counseling and the like and i realize that many in the neighborhoods where HIV hits the hardest won’t be very responsive to perhaps non-black folks who may want to come into the community and counsel our sisters. So why not the black sororities. I personally think that as a requirement to becoming a full fledged member of these sororities, sisters who “pledge” should be required to take HIV education courses and they must put in a certain amount of hours educating in the community. It helps the teacher and the student. I hope this is not the case but i suspect that since HIV is not as prevalent in highly-educated women who make a certain salary, this may not be of much interest to these groups. But, as sisters, he have to remember that what affects one of us, helps us all.
I also want to comment on the numbers posted here which i am sure reflects data reported by major government agencies and organizations. While i believe without a shadow of a doubt we have rates that are disproportionately high and alarming enough for us to take action, knowing much about the politics of health reporting methods makes me suspicious enough to look at all those numbers those agencies throw out and leaves me with reservations about possible (not possible, real) overreporting in statistics which reflect black rates o infection and/or underreporting in statistics reflecting other ethnicities’ rates of infection. Always something we should keep in the back of our minds.
Anyhow, great post. Like you, HIV education is a topic that’s near and dear to my heart and i want you to keep doing what you do brother.
T.
Years ago, i was extremely nervous about contracting HIV. But now, not so much. I too am a trained HIV educator and let me tell you, when you know the facts, a great deal of the fear subsides. It’s funny you mention conversing with a sister from the DST sorority. Just the other day, i was telling my sister that the rate of HIV for the black female segment of the community is ridiculously too high and that I know why these rates are so high–we;re not getting the much needed prevention messages that we need. Now of course, i am very aware of the ineffectiveness of cross cultural interviews and counseling and the like and i realize that many in the neighborhoods where HIV hits the hardest won’t be very responsive to perhaps non-black folks who may want to come into the community and counsel our sisters. So why not the black sororities. I personally think that as a requirement to becoming a full fledged member of these sororities, sisters who “pledge” should be required to take HIV education courses and they must put in a certain amount of hours educating in the community. It helps the teacher and the student. I hope this is not the case but i suspect that since HIV is not as prevalent in highly-educated women who make a certain salary, this may not be of much interest to these groups. But, as sisters, he have to remember that what affects one of us, helps us all.
I also want to comment on the numbers posted here which i am sure reflects data reported by major government agencies and organizations. While i believe without a shadow of a doubt we have rates that are disproportionately high and alarming enough for us to take action, knowing much about the politics of health reporting methods makes me suspicious enough to look at all those numbers those agencies throw out and leaves me with reservations about possible (not possible, real) overreporting in statistics which reflect black rates o infection and/or underreporting in statistics reflecting other ethnicities’ rates of infection. Always something we should keep in the back of our minds.
Anyhow, great post. Like you, HIV education is a topic that’s near and dear to my heart and i want you to keep doing what you do brother.
T.
I am currently in the MPH program at Emory University where many of my professors work for the CDC. Our Dean was involved in the early HIV/AIDS research back when they didn’t even have a name for this disease. The reason I bring that up is because we are constantly bombarded with facts and figures about the epidemic, urged to get involved in the numerous ongoing studies and some of us are even in the process of designing our own interventions. The bottom line is education, by itself, isn’t enough. The numbers show that. Most of so-called interventions focus on education but by this time many of us know what HIV is and how it can be prevented and still have unprotected sex. In fact, many EDUCATED people are doing this everyday. So what is the problem? And unfortunately, many slogans like “use a condom” don’t work for women. Women don’t “use condoms” for the most part. Women have to negotiate condom use with their partners and that’s a whole other can of worms. So, what puts people at risk for risk in the first place? Why is it that many women, especially Black woman, have low self-efficacy when it comes to condom negotiation? How can we address this issue in public health?
My second point is just to touch on homosexuality and HIV/AIDS health promotion messages. I think it’s sad that homosexuals can’t be in a relationship without thinking about death and disease. The public health messages about HIV to homosexuals are very different compared to the messages given to the heterosexual (even Lesbian) community. While the rates of infection within the gay community have started to increase again, creating mass paranoia and anxiety within this population is certainly not helping the situation.
I agree with Tolu, let’s keep the dialogue going.
I am currently in the MPH program at Emory University where many of my professors work for the CDC. Our Dean was involved in the early HIV/AIDS research back when they didn’t even have a name for this disease. The reason I bring that up is because we are constantly bombarded with facts and figures about the epidemic, urged to get involved in the numerous ongoing studies and some of us are even in the process of designing our own interventions. The bottom line is education, by itself, isn’t enough. The numbers show that. Most of so-called interventions focus on education but by this time many of us know what HIV is and how it can be prevented and still have unprotected sex. In fact, many EDUCATED people are doing this everyday. So what is the problem? And unfortunately, many slogans like “use a condom” don’t work for women. Women don’t “use condoms” for the most part. Women have to negotiate condom use with their partners and that’s a whole other can of worms. So, what puts people at risk for risk in the first place? Why is it that many women, especially Black woman, have low self-efficacy when it comes to condom negotiation? How can we address this issue in public health?
My second point is just to touch on homosexuality and HIV/AIDS health promotion messages. I think it’s sad that homosexuals can’t be in a relationship without thinking about death and disease. The public health messages about HIV to homosexuals are very different compared to the messages given to the heterosexual (even Lesbian) community. While the rates of infection within the gay community have started to increase again, creating mass paranoia and anxiety within this population is certainly not helping the situation.
I agree with Tolu, let’s keep the dialogue going.
So true Tae, that’s the other point i wanted to bring up (but it was getting long lol). The safe-sex negotiation among black women is difficult because of factors outside of education, absolutely, it’s the poverty the byproducts of it and all the other interlocking factors which are not easily treated (black homophobia in our communities, etc.). However, i do think that it’s solvable. The single hardest thing to change is human behavior. But, if there are policy decisions in place like (mandatory testing in prisons, etc.) I think we might see some small but incremental changes. In addition, i do believe that the education is still incomplete. If they tell these women exactly what behaviors place them at high-risk, that can have an effect too. Right now, we’ve been made to believe that just having unsafe sex is enough to expose you to HIV when in actuality, unsafe sex in itself is not enough. If you tell women you can have unsafe sex, BUT, you just cant do it THIS WAY or when an STD is present, i think it might affect some behaviors. But that opens another can of worms. So many people in our communities dont have the necessary healthcare coverage to even detect when an STD is present so this further complicates the conversation. Overall, the high HIV rates are a sysmptom of poverty and its byproducts. Since it seems to be in no ones interest to cure poverty in our communities, HIV is going to be an ever present problem. But if we at least begin to focus on effective solutions instead of the lipservice and ineffecitve solutions, we can see some change.
So true Tae, that’s the other point i wanted to bring up (but it was getting long lol). The safe-sex negotiation among black women is difficult because of factors outside of education, absolutely, it’s the poverty the byproducts of it and all the other interlocking factors which are not easily treated (black homophobia in our communities, etc.). However, i do think that it’s solvable. The single hardest thing to change is human behavior. But, if there are policy decisions in place like (mandatory testing in prisons, etc.) I think we might see some small but incremental changes. In addition, i do believe that the education is still incomplete. If they tell these women exactly what behaviors place them at high-risk, that can have an effect too. Right now, we’ve been made to believe that just having unsafe sex is enough to expose you to HIV when in actuality, unsafe sex in itself is not enough. If you tell women you can have unsafe sex, BUT, you just cant do it THIS WAY or when an STD is present, i think it might affect some behaviors. But that opens another can of worms. So many people in our communities dont have the necessary healthcare coverage to even detect when an STD is present so this further complicates the conversation. Overall, the high HIV rates are a sysmptom of poverty and its byproducts. Since it seems to be in no ones interest to cure poverty in our communities, HIV is going to be an ever present problem. But if we at least begin to focus on effective solutions instead of the lipservice and ineffecitve solutions, we can see some change.
So true Tae, that’s the other point i wanted to bring up (but it was getting long lol). The safe-sex negotiation among black women is difficult because of factors outside of education, absolutely, it’s the poverty the byproducts of it and all the other interlocking factors which are not easily treated (black homophobia in our communities, etc.). However, i do think that it’s solvable. The single hardest thing to change is human behavior. But, if there are policy decisions in place like (mandatory testing in prisons, etc.) I think we might see some small but incremental changes. In addition, i do believe that the education is still incomplete. If they tell these women exactly what behaviors place them at high-risk, that can have an effect too. Right now, we’ve been made to believe that just having unsafe sex is enough to expose you to HIV when in actuality, unsafe sex in itself is not enough. If you tell women you can have unsafe sex, BUT, you just cant do it THIS WAY or when an STD is present, i think it might affect some behaviors. But that opens another can of worms. So many people in our communities don’t have the necessary health care coverage to even detect when an STD is present so this further complicates the conversation. Overall, the high HIV rates are a symptom of poverty and its byproducts. Since it seems to be in no ones interest to cure poverty in our communities, HIV is going to be an ever present problem. But if we at least begin to focus on effective solutions instead of the lip service and ineffective solutions, we can see some change.
So true Tae, that’s the other point i wanted to bring up (but it was getting long lol). The safe-sex negotiation among black women is difficult because of factors outside of education, absolutely, it’s the poverty the byproducts of it and all the other interlocking factors which are not easily treated (black homophobia in our communities, etc.). However, i do think that it’s solvable. The single hardest thing to change is human behavior. But, if there are policy decisions in place like (mandatory testing in prisons, etc.) I think we might see some small but incremental changes. In addition, i do believe that the education is still incomplete. If they tell these women exactly what behaviors place them at high-risk, that can have an effect too. Right now, we’ve been made to believe that just having unsafe sex is enough to expose you to HIV when in actuality, unsafe sex in itself is not enough. If you tell women you can have unsafe sex, BUT, you just cant do it THIS WAY or when an STD is present, i think it might affect some behaviors. But that opens another can of worms. So many people in our communities don’t have the necessary health care coverage to even detect when an STD is present so this further complicates the conversation. Overall, the high HIV rates are a symptom of poverty and its byproducts. Since it seems to be in no ones interest to cure poverty in our communities, HIV is going to be an ever present problem. But if we at least begin to focus on effective solutions instead of the lip service and ineffective solutions, we can see some change.
hey supernerd,
just wanted to thank you for writing this post and starting this essential convo at byp. it’s so important.
hey supernerd,
just wanted to thank you for writing this post and starting this essential convo at byp. it’s so important.
Hi Tolu,
I love your idea, and I think it would benefit every black sorority and fraternity to ask their members to take HIV/AIDS educations. I am aware that the Black AIDS Institute had a group called LIFE AIDS that would do teach-ins and town hall meetings on black college campuses. I think it is critical that we do start with black youth earlier than college because the coital debut for black youth is around 12 or 13. I think we should start in public schools particularly middle schools.
I am, however, cautious that we presuppose that just because a sorority (or fraternity) is black that its members are more culturally competent or able to help those communities in questions. Since I’ve started my work in HIV/AIDS field, I have encountered folks, particularly black people, who’s ignorance and fears about contracting HIV/AIDS lead them to treat other black folks as UNTOUCHABLE. I have seen black Church based HIV/AIDS programs that injured and maimed black LGBTQ folks who are HIV positive. So this imagined affinity that we have towards each other I think is overstated.
In terms of the number, I agree that they should often be taken with a grain of salt.
Hi Tolu,
I love your idea, and I think it would benefit every black sorority and fraternity to ask their members to take HIV/AIDS educations. I am aware that the Black AIDS Institute had a group called LIFE AIDS that would do teach-ins and town hall meetings on black college campuses. I think it is critical that we do start with black youth earlier than college because the coital debut for black youth is around 12 or 13. I think we should start in public schools particularly middle schools.
I am, however, cautious that we presuppose that just because a sorority (or fraternity) is black that its members are more culturally competent or able to help those communities in questions. Since I’ve started my work in HIV/AIDS field, I have encountered folks, particularly black people, who’s ignorance and fears about contracting HIV/AIDS lead them to treat other black folks as UNTOUCHABLE. I have seen black Church based HIV/AIDS programs that injured and maimed black LGBTQ folks who are HIV positive. So this imagined affinity that we have towards each other I think is overstated.
In terms of the number, I agree that they should often be taken with a grain of salt.
Hi Tae,
You make several good points. I don’t for a second think education (by itself) is a game changer. Also, I agree that women are forced to negotiate condom use, and some lack the self-efficacy to do so for themselves.
Recently, I was talking to two of my black male straight friends. Both told me that when they are in a monogamous relationship and after being tested with their female partners they hit it raw. I was so shocked by this concept. I mean to hit it raw is to signify death in my mind as a gay black male.
In my on relationships, I believe in latex barriers. My current partner and I use protection for everything. At this point and with the reality of the situation, I assume that I will never have raw sex.
Hi Tae,
You make several good points. I don’t for a second think education (by itself) is a game changer. Also, I agree that women are forced to negotiate condom use, and some lack the self-efficacy to do so for themselves.
Recently, I was talking to two of my black male straight friends. Both told me that when they are in a monogamous relationship and after being tested with their female partners they hit it raw. I was so shocked by this concept. I mean to hit it raw is to signify death in my mind as a gay black male.
In my on relationships, I believe in latex barriers. My current partner and I use protection for everything. At this point and with the reality of the situation, I assume that I will never have raw sex.
Hi Tolu and Tae,
I think you both have raised some good points. As Experts, I think it is very effective to strategize about what can be done in our respective communities. I think it is MORE important that we DON’T stray from the conversation. If you both feel comfortable talking about your sexual behaviors, concerns, and fears, I think we all would get more out the conversation.
I purposefully wrote this piece to gear people to be more candid and open and not to invoke the mask of concern citizen, expert or what have you. I think we need to be real in this forum. I would love for us to continue the conversation in a more REAL way.
Hi Tolu and Tae,
I think you both have raised some good points. As Experts, I think it is very effective to strategize about what can be done in our respective communities. I think it is MORE important that we DON’T stray from the conversation. If you both feel comfortable talking about your sexual behaviors, concerns, and fears, I think we all would get more out the conversation.
I purposefully wrote this piece to gear people to be more candid and open and not to invoke the mask of concern citizen, expert or what have you. I think we need to be real in this forum. I would love for us to continue the conversation in a more REAL way.
Hi Summer M,
I am really glad you like it. I want to have a frank conversation. I think it is very important that we speak on this subject as people concerned about our sexual and reproductive health.
Drop a line from your prospective. I would greatly appreciate it!!
Hi Summer M,
I am really glad you like it. I want to have a frank conversation. I think it is very important that we speak on this subject as people concerned about our sexual and reproductive health.
Drop a line from your prospective. I would greatly appreciate it!!
Ok. I have never had unprotected sex. I was involved with someone who brought up condoms before I had a chance to. Thank God. I probably loved him so deeply I would’ve tried it once just to make him happy/stay. I think it’s hard because relationships are supposed to be based on trust and commitment and asking your partner to put on a condom may seem a bit contradictory. For instance, if I had asked him to use a condom and he said “why, don’t you trust me? We’ve been together for a whole year…” What would I have replied? “Yes, I trust you but not enough to risk my life. I trust you a little bit.” What kind of relationship is that? I know it’s the only thing to do (or abstain altogether) but I also know it’s hard, and frustrating and a bit confusing. Is it ever really OK to have unprotected sex? Even husbands can cheat or have a secret life which may involve other risky behaviors (i.e. drug use). You just don’t know.
Even though we were using condoms, I was still afraid of the condom breaking and getting pregnant. I don’t know why that was my principal fear back then. It wasn’t about getting HIV even though I have lost an Aunt and Uncle to AIDS-related complications. Perhaps I just know I am not ready to be a mother and not ready to potentially screw up a child’s life. All I know is that AIDS is terrifying. When I go get tested even though I know I haven’t done anything “risky”, I still get so tense waiting for the results. But I continue to get tested nonetheless. And that’s really how I approach it. If I decide that I’m going to have sex with my partner, than it will be protected sex. Hopefully he’ll bring it up first but certainly it will have to be discussed way before we get to the bedroom because there is no negotiation going on at that point.
Ok. I have never had unprotected sex. I was involved with someone who brought up condoms before I had a chance to. Thank God. I probably loved him so deeply I would’ve tried it once just to make him happy/stay. I think it’s hard because relationships are supposed to be based on trust and commitment and asking your partner to put on a condom may seem a bit contradictory. For instance, if I had asked him to use a condom and he said “why, don’t you trust me? We’ve been together for a whole year…” What would I have replied? “Yes, I trust you but not enough to risk my life. I trust you a little bit.” What kind of relationship is that? I know it’s the only thing to do (or abstain altogether) but I also know it’s hard, and frustrating and a bit confusing. Is it ever really OK to have unprotected sex? Even husbands can cheat or have a secret life which may involve other risky behaviors (i.e. drug use). You just don’t know.
Even though we were using condoms, I was still afraid of the condom breaking and getting pregnant. I don’t know why that was my principal fear back then. It wasn’t about getting HIV even though I have lost an Aunt and Uncle to AIDS-related complications. Perhaps I just know I am not ready to be a mother and not ready to potentially screw up a child’s life. All I know is that AIDS is terrifying. When I go get tested even though I know I haven’t done anything “risky”, I still get so tense waiting for the results. But I continue to get tested nonetheless. And that’s really how I approach it. If I decide that I’m going to have sex with my partner, than it will be protected sex. Hopefully he’ll bring it up first but certainly it will have to be discussed way before we get to the bedroom because there is no negotiation going on at that point.
Ok, SN, let me apologize if i strayed from the conversation. I guess i only answered part of the question:
[All jokes aside, how did you commemorate World AIDS Day? Have you lost someone to AIDS complications? What are your concerns about sex; are you nervous like me?]
I didn’t commemorate WAD in any way in particular, I have never lost anyone to AIDS (although i just learned that a friend of a friend was just diagnosed), and i think i responded that a long time ago, i was concerned but now i am not. I am not nervous at all.
I am going to go into something here ( i hope i dont stray off topic), and no offense, i am not going to publicize my sexual behavior here for the world to see. Call me on the phone, even get me in a room with 10 people and i will be 100% candid with you, but for me personally, the internet is not the place. I have no problem, however, telling you my feelings and beliefs about HIV/AIDS and what i know.
Not all “unprotected” sex is equal. I’m sure you know this already. While the health agencies have tried to brand it as such, the medical literature doesn’t support it and if you know anything about virology, the economy of the way the virus is passed doesnt support it either. Those of us who are educated in this area know that the message from the health agencies is slightly distorted in that it’s overgeneralized.
That being said, I am not afraid because i am not a member of any high-risk group. Although i am a black woman and as a group we make up a disproportionate share of the numbers, even within this group there are those who are at higher risk than others and I’m still on the less risky end, in the second to least at-risk group.
Now, is it possible that i could have in the past made contact with someone who is high-risk? Or make contact in the future? Maybe. In fact, i’m sure at least 75% (my arbitrary estimate, nothing official) of us have. Anyhow, i know that even in light of possibly coming into contact with a person who is a member of a high risk group, i know what high risk behaviors to avoid and i avoid them. I believe that understanding that we’re not at equal risk and that every behavior is not equal risk actually makes you safer. When you can identity which group you fall in, it eases the anxiety and prevents the fatigue and apathy many feel when they ultimately decide “well we all gone die anyway, so…”
[As an aside, i think that the overgeneralized messages actually undermine safe sex education because they ask people to do something they can’t do–have protected sex all the time. To me, it’s like a diet. If they say you can’t eat anything or if you do “you can only eat this,” most people will fail that diet. But, if they say, “you can eat whatever you want, you just cant eat this [ever!]”, more people will be more successful. I truly believe if clinicians, educators and other members of the AIDS community would tweak their message to reflect the true risks, tell us what we can do, and what we can’t do, we’ll be more successful at preventing the spread of the virus, at least in certain populations.]
I hope that answered the question.
Ok, SN, let me apologize if i strayed from the conversation. I guess i only answered part of the question:
[All jokes aside, how did you commemorate World AIDS Day? Have you lost someone to AIDS complications? What are your concerns about sex; are you nervous like me?]
I didn’t commemorate WAD in any way in particular, I have never lost anyone to AIDS (although i just learned that a friend of a friend was just diagnosed), and i think i responded that a long time ago, i was concerned but now i am not. I am not nervous at all.
I am going to go into something here ( i hope i dont stray off topic), and no offense, i am not going to publicize my sexual behavior here for the world to see. Call me on the phone, even get me in a room with 10 people and i will be 100% candid with you, but for me personally, the internet is not the place. I have no problem, however, telling you my feelings and beliefs about HIV/AIDS and what i know.
Not all “unprotected” sex is equal. I’m sure you know this already. While the health agencies have tried to brand it as such, the medical literature doesn’t support it and if you know anything about virology, the economy of the way the virus is passed doesnt support it either. Those of us who are educated in this area know that the message from the health agencies is slightly distorted in that it’s overgeneralized.
That being said, I am not afraid because i am not a member of any high-risk group. Although i am a black woman and as a group we make up a disproportionate share of the numbers, even within this group there are those who are at higher risk than others and I’m still on the less risky end, in the second to least at-risk group.
Now, is it possible that i could have in the past made contact with someone who is high-risk? Or make contact in the future? Maybe. In fact, i’m sure at least 75% (my arbitrary estimate, nothing official) of us have. Anyhow, i know that even in light of possibly coming into contact with a person who is a member of a high risk group, i know what high risk behaviors to avoid and i avoid them. I believe that understanding that we’re not at equal risk and that every behavior is not equal risk actually makes you safer. When you can identity which group you fall in, it eases the anxiety and prevents the fatigue and apathy many feel when they ultimately decide “well we all gone die anyway, so…”
[As an aside, i think that the overgeneralized messages actually undermine safe sex education because they ask people to do something they can’t do–have protected sex all the time. To me, it’s like a diet. If they say you can’t eat anything or if you do “you can only eat this,” most people will fail that diet. But, if they say, “you can eat whatever you want, you just cant eat this [ever!]”, more people will be more successful. I truly believe if clinicians, educators and other members of the AIDS community would tweak their message to reflect the true risks, tell us what we can do, and what we can’t do, we’ll be more successful at preventing the spread of the virus, at least in certain populations.]
I hope that answered the question.
This post is informative and hits the “nail on the head”. AIDS for too long has been seen in the Black community as that “White gay disease”. I’ve had a few discussions about STD ‘s with friends and family members and was shocked to find out the ignorance on their side. Many thought that you could look at someone and tell if they were HIV positive. Others had such a fear that they believed you could catch something by not showering after sex. I hate to sound like a BET after school special but, if you are sexually active you should know your status. Good post!
This post is informative and hits the “nail on the head”. AIDS for too long has been seen in the Black community as that “White gay disease”. I’ve had a few discussions about STD ‘s with friends and family members and was shocked to find out the ignorance on their side. Many thought that you could look at someone and tell if they were HIV positive. Others had such a fear that they believed you could catch something by not showering after sex. I hate to sound like a BET after school special but, if you are sexually active you should know your status. Good post!
You make very good points. Recently I directed a play called “Angels in America” and it outlined the seriousness to this issue back in the early 90,s. I believe we have come a long way since then, but in my opinion, it comes down to educating and informing our peers about the realities of the situation.
In the 80,s and 90,s many of the ignorant pastors in the black community called HIV/AIDS a “white person disease.” Instead of informing the black community on how to stay safe and keeping young black men and women aware of the risk, comments like these hurt this community and produced statistics that you listed above.
The certainly cannot be put on one group, but you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20.
You make very good points. Recently I directed a play called “Angels in America” and it outlined the seriousness to this issue back in the early 90,s. I believe we have come a long way since then, but in my opinion, it comes down to educating and informing our peers about the realities of the situation.
In the 80,s and 90,s many of the ignorant pastors in the black community called HIV/AIDS a “white person disease.” Instead of informing the black community on how to stay safe and keeping young black men and women aware of the risk, comments like these hurt this community and produced statistics that you listed above.
The certainly cannot be put on one group, but you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20.
Hi Tae,
I really heard you. I, too, have been confronted by the question “what kind of relationship is that.” Just so we are clear, I am deeply concerned and frighten of receptive anal sex. So I was on a date recently when the guy brought it up, I got COLD FEET. I grew green when he started to talk about how in any future long term relationship his expectation is that his partner and him would be having sex without a condom.
Now, I don’t pretend to be an angel nor do I play one on the blog, but I am nervous when it comes to sex. “Sex without a condom sounds like a death!” that was my immediate response to his statement. I don’t get the attraction of having unprotected sex; admittedly, I have heard from some folks it feels better, but what about your health?
As a gay black man, I am just not sure how to respond to the increasing interest of people to hit it raw.
Tae, do you think my fear irrational?
Hi Tae,
I really heard you. I, too, have been confronted by the question “what kind of relationship is that.” Just so we are clear, I am deeply concerned and frighten of receptive anal sex. So I was on a date recently when the guy brought it up, I got COLD FEET. I grew green when he started to talk about how in any future long term relationship his expectation is that his partner and him would be having sex without a condom.
Now, I don’t pretend to be an angel nor do I play one on the blog, but I am nervous when it comes to sex. “Sex without a condom sounds like a death!” that was my immediate response to his statement. I don’t get the attraction of having unprotected sex; admittedly, I have heard from some folks it feels better, but what about your health?
As a gay black man, I am just not sure how to respond to the increasing interest of people to hit it raw.
Tae, do you think my fear irrational?
Hi Tolu,
You (read: one) should never worry about straying off topic, especially when you/one manage(s) to be real and speak from your/one’s personhood instead of from the removed space of educator.
I was intrigued by your idea about a comprehensive way to talk about sexual risk, but my fear is that some folks would be more incline to commit risky-behaviors imagining that they are not in a high-risk group.
I would love to explore with you your inability or reluctance to talk openly about your sex life in this safe space. If it makes you more comfortable, please note the following: 1) I don’t know who you are; 2) BYP allows for anonymous comments (e.g., you get to identify with your own screen-name as you choose); 3) and your disclosing of information might prove beneficial to someone else in a similar situation.
If possible, I would ask you to explore in a comment the following:
1) what is the major issue that makes it okay in a public group of 10 folks, face to face, you talk openly about your sexuality and sex;
2) then, why is the internet not the place to share anecdotal stories and being relatable to other black folks;
3) why (and how) are you so sure that you (despite being a black woman) are “not a member of any high-risk group?” *Remember that black women (even among black lesbians (I imagine) there would be higher rates STI/STD infections).*
http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticusa.htm
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/451062
Hi Tolu,
You (read: one) should never worry about straying off topic, especially when you/one manage(s) to be real and speak from your/one’s personhood instead of from the removed space of educator.
I was intrigued by your idea about a comprehensive way to talk about sexual risk, but my fear is that some folks would be more incline to commit risky-behaviors imagining that they are not in a high-risk group.
I would love to explore with you your inability or reluctance to talk openly about your sex life in this safe space. If it makes you more comfortable, please note the following: 1) I don’t know who you are; 2) BYP allows for anonymous comments (e.g., you get to identify with your own screen-name as you choose); 3) and your disclosing of information might prove beneficial to someone else in a similar situation.
If possible, I would ask you to explore in a comment the following:
1) what is the major issue that makes it okay in a public group of 10 folks, face to face, you talk openly about your sexuality and sex;
2) then, why is the internet not the place to share anecdotal stories and being relatable to other black folks;
3) why (and how) are you so sure that you (despite being a black woman) are “not a member of any high-risk group?” *Remember that black women (even among black lesbians (I imagine) there would be higher rates STI/STD infections).*
http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticusa.htm
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/451062
Thank you for making me feel safe! Really, that’s amazing and i would usually take you up on your offer so i’ll answer:
#1/#2 together: my profession. I know you know that now, employers, universities, bill collectors, insurance co., etc. are now using the internet as a tool to get personal information on people. Let me assure you that no one did anything to me in this space to make me feel unsafe :0) Outside forces my dear.
#3. Oh hell yeah, i’m afraid of other STDs, my bad, i thought you were referring to HIV alone. HIV doesnt scare me.
Thank you for making me feel safe! Really, that’s amazing and i would usually take you up on your offer so i’ll answer:
#1/#2 together: my profession. I know you know that now, employers, universities, bill collectors, insurance co., etc. are now using the internet as a tool to get personal information on people. Let me assure you that no one did anything to me in this space to make me feel unsafe :0) Outside forces my dear.
#3. Oh hell yeah, i’m afraid of other STDs, my bad, i thought you were referring to HIV alone. HIV doesnt scare me.
I have a friend who got cervical cancer because of HPV. right now she is under going chemotherapy and some anti-cancer drugs. . |
I have a friend who got cervical cancer because of HPV. right now she is under going chemotherapy and some anti-cancer drugs. . |
HPV can also lead to some skin scarring and that is not good~*”
HPV can also lead to some skin scarring and that is not good~*”
hay people do u and fuk wat people say u still gone do it yo wat so i say hav fun to day because wall they looking at u tell i get like u ………one lov stay up all my sexy black people and everv one elas
hay people do u and fuk wat people say u still gone do it yo wat so i say hav fun to day because wall they looking at u tell i get like u ………one lov stay up all my sexy black people and everv one elas
chlamydia is very nasty disease, you’ll get that nasty pus and infection”;
chlamydia is very nasty disease, you’ll get that nasty pus and infection”;