Comic: No, you did not turn out “just fine”

by JeCorey Holder

How many times have we tried to discuss the realities and impact of child abuse and trauma, often thinly-veiled as “discipline” from our parents, only to have someone jump in insisting that they “turned out just fine” despite these things happening to them as kids? Someone who claims that being beaten or otherwise abused somehow made them into smart and well-adjusted citizens in the face of glaring evidence to the contrary.

Now, beloved, I suppose someone like you might want to feel superior and accomplished by going against the grain of the conversation. Maybe you feel like you’re sticking it to the rest of us, maybe you think of us as weak and too sensitive. You would be wrong.

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The fact that people often say this to justify physical and emotional violence against children is enough of a red flag to let me know they most certainly did not turn out okay. Furthermore, their repressed trauma is bound to manifest itself in abusive behavior, thus continuing the cycle of abuse, whether physical or otherwise.

Not to mention, these lies are used to blatantly disregard the reality of those who are well aware of and trying to deal with the fact that we did not turn out “just fine.” Such a sentiment is an attempt to pressure people who are doing the work to unpack their trauma to not acknowledge their truth and to shame them into silence.

I just need folks to understand that not addressing and actively avoiding your mental trauma is not the same as “turned out just fine.” Not in the slightest. Please don’t being afraid to acknowledge and unpack your trauma, lest you, and your relationships, crumple under the weight of your baggage.

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Gamer, geek, and social activist. JeCorey Holder has been weaving tapestries of shade and fury since the early 2000’s. Pro-LGBTQ, pro-black, and pro intersectional feminism, he is full of feelings and opinions that try to call out and tear down the oppressive status quo