White supremacy has no chill. Last week, CBS announced that it had tapped Stephen Colbert to replace David Letterman, who will be retiring from his post at The Late Show in 2015. In what looks to be a delivery of the proverbial bozack to Suey Park and her defenders, Colbert has become the latest inductee into the late night television host all white boys club (sorry Arsenio and George Lopez and Joan Rivers and Wanda Sykes and Magic Johnson #neverforget and…), thereby seeing Park’s demand to #CancelColbert and raising it by gifting Colbert with a seat behind a coveted late night desk. So, even though he wasn’t technically canceled, I guess Suey ‘n’em won because Colbert will be retiring the Colbert character and the show will end. So, I’m hoping that before we start the #CancelCBS hashtag, we can take a moment to celebrate #Sueysvictory, right? Cool.

Now that we have patted ourselves on our digital backs for this latest accomplishment in the hashtag activism movement. Let’s return for a moment to CBS’ clearly supremacist ways. I mean, this is nothing but the most latest example of how absurd these post-racial times are. Only in racist-ass America would a white man be publicly called out for being racist and then receive what is effectively a promotion. What’s more, it’s clear that there are clearly plenty of qualified people of color and/or women who would have done just fine serving up one-liners and pretending to be interested in Will and Jaden Smith’s latest film. But, nooooo. CBS decided to reify the colossal building of whiteness by giving Colbert the nod. I mean, since Scandal is on ABC and NBC is currently airing that one show starring LeBron James’ dad and The Voice, CBS has to be the whitest network television channel, right? Not that I watch. The NCAA tournament notwithstanding, I haven’t really tuned in to CBS since they were airing shows old people like, such as Touched By An Angel, so I don’t really know. Then again, as Suey Park’s post-#CancelColbert-gate interviews have taught me, I don’t need to context to respond or help people do their jobs better.


Anyway, I would like to suggest to the suits at CBS that the only way they–and by extension Colbert–can repent for the racial injustice of toeing the line that of late night whiteness is by doing one of the following.

A. Hire Suey Park to replace Colbert on Comedy Central. Park mentioned in her Salon interview that she’s a comedian. Since our favorite talk show hosts not named Oprah tend to be comedians, how about they hire Park?  Pretty sure they should call it #TheHashtagHappyHour


B. Have Lorne Michaels hold auditions for an Asian comedian to star in and/or write for Saturday Night Live. And no, inviting Aziz Ansari to host does not count. That show is on NBC? So…what’s your point?

C. Hire a post-pregnancy belly Olivia Pope to do…something.

D. Since The Roots–who once played The Alabama Porch Monkeys–are already employed on that other network, CBS needs to hire one Mr. Solomon Northrup as the bandleader for the Colbert show #teamfreedomandafiddles. I mean, it’s only fair, and perhaps the closest thing to reparations black folks will see this millennium. What’s that? Northrup is dead and the dude who played him is an actor who actually has acting gigs? Again–your point?


Oh, and in case you’re keeping track, Washington’s NFL team? Still the Redskins.