Today is MLK Day, and if you’re lucky, you’re chilling in bed reading this on your smartphone.  Or perhaps you’re not reading this at all.  And that’s cool.  Rosa Parks didn’t refuse to give up her seat on a bus for you to be reading blogs on your vacation day.

For those who are reading this, I won’t keep you.  Last week’s Huck Finn entry may qualify as the longest entry ever.  Moreover, the only thing I really had to say about MLK, I said last year in an entry you can read here.  Since I know you’re going to spend your MLK Day taking in an enlightening lecture and/or reflecting on all that Dr. King has done for your life, I’ve decided to take a more ignorant road.  Here’s how not to honor the life of Martin Luther (the) King:

  • If you have to work today, do not curse out your supervisor for reminding you to bring in doughnuts and coffee for the morning meeting.  Saying, “Dr. King didn’t march so I could bring breakfast to my co-workers,” is a thoroughly inappropriate use of his legacy.  Besides it was your turn, and Krispy Kreme is on your way to the office, anyway.
  • Putting a Colored Only sign above the work water cooler is only funny in theory.  Trust me on this one.  Save it for April Fool’s Day.
  • Do not show up to your King Day of service hungover.  Stay in bed; sleep it off.  Just wait until next year.  Besides, no Head Start wants the person reading Of Thee I Sing to be reeking of alcohol.  Seriously, they really don’t want your kind.  The fact that you thought Kognac and King looked and sounded catchy enough to put on a flier was already appalling.  But the fact that you imbibed enough to be in the middle of the dance floor singing “freedom ring on it” instead of “put a ring on it” was just too much.  Nah, dog. It wasn’t a good look.  You need a time out.
  • Do not participate in a sit-in held at the university president’s office door because you heard there weren’t enough volumes in your black culture center’s library.  Why?  Because you only know where it is because your fraternity used their basement for step practice. If you’re joining the protest to get next to an activist cutie, however, I fully support this move.
  • Do not tweet or populate your Facebook status with MLK quotes you just Googled.  Why? Because it’s a lazy thing to do.  And the internet lies.  “The path to justice and equality can only be illuminated by the light of human kindness and love.” – Martin Luther King.  Nope. not Martin Luther King.  I just made that up.  See how the internet lies?

By all means, do watch this video:


And this one:


Happy Martin Luther King Day, kids.