There are certain things in life I just can’t explain: Jermaine Jackson’s haircut, Mike Tyson’s face tattoo, and John Mayer’s racist phallus. While I admit to not understanding every enigma, I can usually sense a farce. I wasn’t alive when Milli Vanilli’s track skipped, but let’s be honest, who didn’t see that coming? Although I was only 8 years old during the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, I seriously doubted Clinton’s claim of “not having sexual relations with that woman”.

Today I can sense another farce- the Tea Party Movement. They claim to be “watering the tree of liberty”, but if you ask me they are just being boisterous rabble-rousers. Don’t get me wrong; rabble-rousing is good if it is trying to accomplish something meaningful. John Brown, who led the unsuccessful raid at Harper’s Ferry, was a rabble-rouser with a purpose. Fred Hampton, the former Deputy Chairman of the Illinois chapter of the Black Panther Party, was a rabble-rouser with a purpose.  However, it seems like the current Tea-Party-ers main goal is just to disrupt town hall meetings. There would be nothing wrong with this if they were actually proposing solutions. From all that I’ve seen their solution to lowering taxes is shouting down Congressmen. On the Tea Party Patriots website they claim that their core values are fiscal responsibility, constitutionally limited government, and free markets. These principles don’t deviate that much from the values of the Republican Party. However, their rhetoric and tactics have not set well with the moderate wing of the Republican Party. In fact, any Republican Presidential hopeful has probably been warned to steer clear of the Tea Party Movement. Well of course everyone except that hockey mom from Alaska.

The reason most logical Republicans won’t touch the Tea Party patriots with a ten foot pole is because they are a farce. While they claim to be against “Big Government” and uncontrolled spending, their platform seems to be more “anti-Obama” than anti-taxes. Where were they when the Bush administration was spending money like a drunken sailor? Where were they when the Republican led 109th Congress stuck their noses into the Terri Schiavo case? Erick Erickson of the conservative blog described the Tea Party National convention as “scammy”. Even staunchly conservative Congresswoman Michele Bachman from Minnesota cancelled her plans to speak.

I don’t doubt that some Tea Party-ers have legitimate concerns about the state of affairs in our country. Furthermore, I’m in no way shape or form trying to discredit their movement. However, I do believe that in order for them to have an actual affect on policy, they need to restructure their game plan. Mainly they need to propose solutions. While demonstrations and protests are attention-getters, that alone will not change policy. If they want to get off the fringes and actually change the direction of government they need to do things differently. Below is my 5 point plan that would legitimate the Tea Party Movement .

  1. Get out of bed with Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. Beck will soon be a pariah in the Republican Party at the rate he is going.
  2. Get another spokesperson, because Sarah Palin won’t cut it. She may be a celebrity, but she is still a laughing stock in the political community.
  3. Stop using buzz words like Socialism. Even if a policy is socialistic in nature, mainstream politicos on both sides will dismiss your claims.
  4. Don’t have a national convention for the “people” and charge $549 per ticket.
  5. Propose actual substantive policies.