Wanna Raise a Child? No Application Necessary.
We make people fill out applications for everything under the sun. School. Jobs. Apartments. Cars. Credit cards. Society places such high value on this imaginary money that we pass around that you can actually be denied credit cards or bank accounts if you have been proven to be irresponsible with it. If you are not qualified, you cannot attend college, get certain jobs, drive certain cars, or live in certain apartments. How completely ass backwards is it that we allow anyone to have a child without first checking that they are qualified mentally and emotionally?
Let me be clear, I’m not advocating that we turn control of our reproductive bodies over to the government or our neighbors. I’m just saying that perhaps there ought to be some kind of system in place to make sure that people understand exactly what they are getting into when they have a child.
At the root of the issue is that we have damaged parents raising damaged children who in turn become damaged parents to damaged children. That damage may manifest itself in several ways, ranging from irresponsibility and apathy to malignancy and lunacy. It’s a sad cycle that plagues society on whole, not just one community. Every day there’s a different story on the news about a child being neglected, abused, or even killed by the very people that should be protecting them. Yes, lock the parents away but what about all of the stories we don’t hear?
What about the kids who endure more subtle damage from their parents, the kids that are emotionally and verbally abused? How do you spot the type of abuse that doesn’t leave scars or break bones but is no less tragic? And once you spot it, how do you prevent it? More importantly how do we stop children from internalizing and repeating this abusive behavior? We inherit everything from eye color, dimples and hair texture to hand clasping, taste buds and handedness from our parents. We also inherit or mimic their financial, emotional and even spiritual behaviors. How can we ever expect to raise a generation of whole, well-adjusted children if they are raised by broken parents?
It’s backward that adoptive parents have to go through such an extensive vetting process but birth parents are given little to no instruction on how to raise a child. When a woman shows up pregnant at a clinic, doctors will give her vitamins and maybe a pamphlet that explains the pregnancy but not the actual child rearing. Then she’s sent home and we all assume that she has the child’s best interests at heart. That isn’t enough. Where is the social worker that goes to her home to make sure it’s an environment suited for a child? Where’s the psychologist that evaluates her mental and emotional preparedness? Why are we sending babies home with monsters every day?
I know that we can’t prevent such terrible things from happening to children. It would be nice to make parenting classes mandatory, in the same way that we make schooling mandatory. Maybe we should require all parents to sit through a couple sessions with a psychologist. We should definitely make all parents take a course in anger management.
I know that it’s a battle we’re destined to lose but can’t we try?
Most people are hurt by those who should take care of their emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being. Therefore, I suggest more than just parenting classes for ALL parents. We should have friendship classes for ALL friends, because many friends are monsters. We should have Grandparents classes for ALL Grandparents because grandparents raise the monsters and are monsters themselves. We should have Intimate Partner classes for ALL people who want to enter into an intimate relationship because relationships are full of monsters; believe me, I know. We should have how to be a daughter/son classes for ALL daughters and sons just for equity. We should have how to be a neighbor classes for ALL neighbors. The only problem I see from this strategy is “who will be teaching these classes and who will develop the standards for being a good friend, grandparent, intimate partner, daughter/son, and neighbor if ALL friends, grandparents, intimate partners, daughters/sons, and neighbors need classes?
Who determines what it means to be a good parent? Are there other factors besides a person’s knowledge of parenting that hinders a person from being a good parent?
Being a good parent is as much about navigating our relationship to the world as it is about our interactions with our children. Parents need more than training; they need social, emotional, spiritual and financial supports. That is to say, parents need life sustaining wages, recognition for when they are doing well and religious or spiritual leaders that understand the challenges parents confront.
In this commentary, you stated that birth parents do not receive training to be a parent and that is not true. Birth Parents receive training from their parents. Therefore, if all parents need training courses, are you suggesting that all parents are the monstrous beings that you describe in your commentary?
Or Do you have specific parents in mind? are the monsters you speak of. You describe a women going to the clinic and getting nothing but prenatal victims, which is confusing because not all women go to clinics to receive prenatal care. Mostly low-income and working class women receive their prenatal care from clinics. Therefore, I am wondering if you believe all parents should take parenting classes or just certain types of parents. Low-income parents, perhaps.
Most people are hurt by those who should take care of their emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being. Therefore, I suggest more than just parenting classes for ALL parents. We should have friendship classes for ALL friends, because many friends are monsters. We should have Grandparents classes for ALL Grandparents because grandparents raise the monsters and are monsters themselves. We should have Intimate Partner classes for ALL people who want to enter into an intimate relationship because relationships are full of monsters; believe me, I know. We should have how to be a daughter/son classes for ALL daughters and sons just for equity. We should have how to be a neighbor classes for ALL neighbors. The only problem I see from this strategy is “who will be teaching these classes and who will develop the standards for being a good friend, grandparent, intimate partner, daughter/son, and neighbor if ALL friends, grandparents, intimate partners, daughters/sons, and neighbors need classes?
Who determines what it means to be a good parent? Are there other factors besides a person’s knowledge of parenting that hinders a person from being a good parent?
Being a good parent is as much about navigating our relationship to the world as it is about our interactions with our children. Parents need more than training; they need social, emotional, spiritual and financial supports. That is to say, parents need life sustaining wages, recognition for when they are doing well and religious or spiritual leaders that understand the challenges parents confront.
In this commentary, you stated that birth parents do not receive training to be a parent and that is not true. Birth Parents receive training from their parents. Therefore, if all parents need training courses, are you suggesting that all parents are the monstrous beings that you describe in your commentary?
Or Do you have specific parents in mind? are the monsters you speak of. You describe a women going to the clinic and getting nothing but prenatal victims, which is confusing because not all women go to clinics to receive prenatal care. Mostly low-income and working class women receive their prenatal care from clinics. Therefore, I am wondering if you believe all parents should take parenting classes or just certain types of parents. Low-income parents, perhaps.
Honestly I do not even think you should start with the belief that it’s battle that we are destined to lose. Parents are key to the emotional, social, and physical health of a child. It is not to much to ask that more resources be put in place to help parents who are not in the many ideal situations to raise a child. And we must remember that there is no perfect or most appropriate way to raise a child, but there are “ideals.” Child rearing will improve when state departments do better jobs of re-organizing dysfunctional and/or abusive families. It will improve when school systems improve. It will improve with the economy improves. Raising a child is a multi-faceted phenomenon that will take multi-faceted solutions. So let’s not be too harsh on the parents, who may only be victims of a society that kept them from being raised properly.
But at least for underaged mothers and fathers. I do not think it would be too much to put time and effort into establishing classes that will help them understand the brevity of raising a child, as well as teach the some rudimentary caring practices. That is a possibility that the government, and even educational systems, should put some thought into doing. It can be done at a low-cost, and I am sure that there a healthy amount of adults who would be willing to volunteer to helps these young girls and boys.
Can we teach everybody in society how to be a good person society? What does that even mean? The answer is probably know. But can we teach a young girl how to feed a baby? And maybe give her some notion of the implications of being a parent? The same goes for young men as well, and the answer is yes. I thank you for this blog.
Honestly I do not even think you should start with the belief that it’s battle that we are destined to lose. Parents are key to the emotional, social, and physical health of a child. It is not to much to ask that more resources be put in place to help parents who are not in the many ideal situations to raise a child. And we must remember that there is no perfect or most appropriate way to raise a child, but there are “ideals.” Child rearing will improve when state departments do better jobs of re-organizing dysfunctional and/or abusive families. It will improve when school systems improve. It will improve with the economy improves. Raising a child is a multi-faceted phenomenon that will take multi-faceted solutions. So let’s not be too harsh on the parents, who may only be victims of a society that kept them from being raised properly.
But at least for underaged mothers and fathers. I do not think it would be too much to put time and effort into establishing classes that will help them understand the brevity of raising a child, as well as teach the some rudimentary caring practices. That is a possibility that the government, and even educational systems, should put some thought into doing. It can be done at a low-cost, and I am sure that there a healthy amount of adults who would be willing to volunteer to helps these young girls and boys.
Can we teach everybody in society how to be a good person society? What does that even mean? The answer is probably know. But can we teach a young girl how to feed a baby? And maybe give her some notion of the implications of being a parent? The same goes for young men as well, and the answer is yes. I thank you for this blog.
@ Lynwellyn, I agree fam! We should all be taught how to treat others. But in my opinion, this lesson is one that is taught at home. So that’s why I started with parents. And no, it was not my intention to target low-income parents. This blog came from a very personal place and the clinic is the example that was fresh on my mind. Definitely the last thing on my mind. But thanks for pointing that out to me.
I didn’t want to speak about the nuances of parenting or even to get more specific about what I think qualifies as “abuse” because I wanted to avoid the idea of who gets to say what is good parenting and really just get people thinking about how important it is that our children are adequately cared for, whatever that may mean to them. That conversation (of what is good or bad parenting) is way too lengthy for this space. But if you have an opinion I would LOVE to hear it.
And I said: “At the root of the issue is that we have damaged parents raising damaged children who in turn become damaged parents to damaged children.” I meant that statement to imply that the socialization we may receive from parents is inadequate. Maybe I should have made that point stronger.
Thank you for reading and for making me think about my post.
@ Lynwellyn, I agree fam! We should all be taught how to treat others. But in my opinion, this lesson is one that is taught at home. So that’s why I started with parents. And no, it was not my intention to target low-income parents. This blog came from a very personal place and the clinic is the example that was fresh on my mind. Definitely the last thing on my mind. But thanks for pointing that out to me.
I didn’t want to speak about the nuances of parenting or even to get more specific about what I think qualifies as “abuse” because I wanted to avoid the idea of who gets to say what is good parenting and really just get people thinking about how important it is that our children are adequately cared for, whatever that may mean to them. That conversation (of what is good or bad parenting) is way too lengthy for this space. But if you have an opinion I would LOVE to hear it.
And I said: “At the root of the issue is that we have damaged parents raising damaged children who in turn become damaged parents to damaged children.” I meant that statement to imply that the socialization we may receive from parents is inadequate. Maybe I should have made that point stronger.
Thank you for reading and for making me think about my post.
@Aaron I really appreciate your comment. 100% agree that there are multiple factors at play and we should definitely try to isolate and “treat” all of them to put more resources in place for parents.
Also, I tend toward pessimism so this did give me reason to consider the possibility that it isn’t too much to ask of government agencies to address these issues. It is so important that kids grow up in healthy environments and really, that’s what I wanted to say in this post. Thank you for reading!
@Aaron I really appreciate your comment. 100% agree that there are multiple factors at play and we should definitely try to isolate and “treat” all of them to put more resources in place for parents.
Also, I tend toward pessimism so this did give me reason to consider the possibility that it isn’t too much to ask of government agencies to address these issues. It is so important that kids grow up in healthy environments and really, that’s what I wanted to say in this post. Thank you for reading!