Captain Save-a-Negro: A Primer
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Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I swear I saw commercials for the movie The Blind Side more times than I caught the ads of those cats singing the free credit report jingle. (F-R-E-E that spells free/credit report dot com, baby…) Environmentalists could learn a lot from Hollywood; that place recycles scenarios more often than a tree hugger sneers at Hummer drivers.
The trailers for the movie indicate that The Blind Side is yet another addition to that long list of white savior movies. I haven’t seen it and don’t plan to (In grad school, we call this not being bound by the text.), but it seems that Sandra “I’m doing this movie to make up for playing a racist in Crash” Bullock saves a big black kid from the perils of blackness. (Crabs in a barrel. You know the deal.) I guess the Based on a true story tagline wants to goad me into not being critical of the movie, the genre. Whatever. The movie has provided an occasion to address the white savior film. Since I’ve seen every episode of Webster and Diff’rent Strokes and Dangerous Minds (twice), I’m going to provide a primer for Negro saving for any and all white folks with plenty of money and love in their hearts to adopt a hapless black kid. And for you black youth out there, pay attention. You might find something useful here to make yourself more marketable.
1. Pick a good pathology (and stick to it) — You can’t just rescue a poor black kid. All black people are poor. You need to rescue a poor crack baby. Or some teenage foster kid no one wants because he’s no longer cute and still has flashbacks of being beaten with an extension cord. (No more wire hangers!!!!) Whatever the problem, make sure the kid has nothing to do with it. Black kids need to be completely innocent in order to elicit any sympathy.
2. No pathology? Pick a disaster. — Tragic things happen to black people everyday, but some things are more tragic than others thereby making some black kids worth saving. Drive-by shootings? Totally not cool, but expected and therefore not tragic enough for you to go flying into the ‘hood to save a black kid. Fire? Car accident? Hurricane Katrina? Famine (for those interested in saving African kids)? Quick! Go put on your cape! None of these events is part of the cast of usual suspects making black life so damn depressing, and thus warrant Negro saving. Not sure if the occasion requires your superheroics? Ask yourself: If my friend told me they adopted a black kid after that child had suffered ____, my response would be _____. If the latter blank is filled with something akin to “Aw, that’s so sad,” then you’ve done well.
The test is full-proof. Trust me.
3. Whichever Negro you choose, make sure it’s wearing blue. — No, I’m not talking about Crips. Adopt a boy. How many white savior movies or tv shows starring little black girls can you name? I’ll wait. *Cue the Jeopardy! theme music, please* Maybe it’s because little black boys and their uneven afros are just so irresistibly cute; maybe it’s because little black girls will grow up and become black mothers who will subsequently abuse and/or abandon their children thereby forcing you to save their child(ren), but little black girls hardly ever get saved. I guess Losing Isaiah sounds better than Losing Iesha. Whatever the case, adopt a boy. They’re just easier, and you don’t have to worry about that hair thing. Besides, in high school he’ll be a hit with the white girls. I suppose those little black girls are too busy with their emasculation training, anyway.
4. Remember, he must have some value. — You can’t be all willy-nilly in your Negro saving. You know they steal. Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Summer M!? Sandra Bullock’s adopted son plays football really well. Your black kid needs to be able to do something uniquely charming–like read. Or make you laugh.
5. You need to learn something from all of this — Whether it’s (finally!) figuring out all of the steps to the electric slide or instituting a Soul Train line at your next family gathering, you will learn from your chosen downtrodden black child. Perhaps you’ll just learn unconditional love. Whatever it is, it’ll be memoir-worthy. And you’ll get on Oprah. AMAAAAAAZING!
6. Don’t forget: race has nothing to do with this. — You weren’t even thinking about race until I typed it, right? You are just being a good person, ok? Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Those black people giving you the side-eye at Applebee’s are just haters.
What did I miss?
Have a great week. And yes, you’re welcome.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVF-nirSq5s
OMG!
This is my favorite video.
Before my sister and I saw this clip–after which we started calling these people “Nice White Lady”–we were calling them and the whole genre of these stories “The Benevolent White People Who Come to Save the Cuhlerds”.
These movies, although I’m sure their intention is to show white people as nice, loving, color-blind people who want to help others and will risk life and limb (yes, as you mentioned, we steal) to do it, reveal a part of the liberal white pathology.
I’m sure someone (most likely a liberal white) person will read this and take a position of “well damned if we do, damned if we don’t. if we white folks ignore you blacks, we’re racist. but when we acknowledge you, we’re racists too. i guess we cant win.”
What i think they miss is the superiority inherent in white acknowledgment of blacks which is characterized by the by the belief that (a) we need to be helped, and (b) that it’s their job to help us. It’s extremely condescending.
Some white people, including the liberals–no, mostly–the liberals, have this paternalistic attitude when it comes to dealing black folk. Consciously and unconsciously they believe that we’re incapable of governing ourselves and nurturing our children. They feel obligated to intervene (in a family law court, a black child is almost 4 times more likely to be removed from the home than a white child). And even when it’s apparent that we cannot nurture or govern ourselves, they decide that their way is the best way.
Well of course it is! They’ve set the standard of what’s right and wrong. If black kids are falling behind academically, they’re either “intellectually inferior” (on the conservative side) or they’re “capable but simply not responsive to traditional methods of teaching” (on the liberal side). But who developed those IQ tests and who decides what’s traditional in the first place? (Im sure the dude, Alfred Binet, who invented the IQ test wouldnt make a test that he and his buddies couldnt get a perfect score on.) Being good or successful requires that you assimilate to the system in place. If you are successful by any other standard, it’s simply not recognized. And then, when we do assimilate and are successful at doing what they do in their system, we are insulted and called arrogant (Obama)or we’re paid back-hand compliments like “he speaks so well (obama). We cant win.
Like you, i dont subscribe to this thinking or patronize these movies (i have a list somewhere with all these movies on it and DM is def one of em). Riddle me this. How often do we get to see movies like Pride or Remember the Titans or Great Debaters, movies where the savior of poor black kids is black?
Also, excellent observation on the kids being saved always being boys. That never crossed my mind. (“uneven afro”, lmao and “do something uniquely charming like read”, rotflmao). It’s so true. I guess the movies where the savior is black (?) are reserved for stories like Precious, etc.
As always, great post!!!
(you have to admit, that “Nice White Lady” skit is funny as shit.)
OMG!
This is my favorite video.
Before my sister and I saw this clip–after which we started calling these people “Nice White Lady”–we were calling them and the whole genre of these stories “The Benevolent White People Who Come to Save the Cuhlerds”.
These movies, although I’m sure their intention is to show white people as nice, loving, color-blind people who want to help others and will risk life and limb (yes, as you mentioned, we steal) to do it, reveal a part of the liberal white pathology.
I’m sure someone (most likely a liberal white) person will read this and take a position of “well damned if we do, damned if we don’t. if we white folks ignore you blacks, we’re racist. but when we acknowledge you, we’re racists too. i guess we cant win.”
What i think they miss is the superiority inherent in white acknowledgment of blacks which is characterized by the by the belief that (a) we need to be helped, and (b) that it’s their job to help us. It’s extremely condescending.
Some white people, including the liberals–no, mostly–the liberals, have this paternalistic attitude when it comes to dealing black folk. Consciously and unconsciously they believe that we’re incapable of governing ourselves and nurturing our children. They feel obligated to intervene (in a family law court, a black child is almost 4 times more likely to be removed from the home than a white child). And even when it’s apparent that we cannot nurture or govern ourselves, they decide that their way is the best way.
Well of course it is! They’ve set the standard of what’s right and wrong. If black kids are falling behind academically, they’re either “intellectually inferior” (on the conservative side) or they’re “capable but simply not responsive to traditional methods of teaching” (on the liberal side). But who developed those IQ tests and who decides what’s traditional in the first place? (Im sure the dude, Alfred Binet, who invented the IQ test wouldnt make a test that he and his buddies couldnt get a perfect score on.) Being good or successful requires that you assimilate to the system in place. If you are successful by any other standard, it’s simply not recognized. And then, when we do assimilate and are successful at doing what they do in their system, we are insulted and called arrogant (Obama)or we’re paid back-hand compliments like “he speaks so well (obama). We cant win.
Like you, i dont subscribe to this thinking or patronize these movies (i have a list somewhere with all these movies on it and DM is def one of em). Riddle me this. How often do we get to see movies like Pride or Remember the Titans or Great Debaters, movies where the savior of poor black kids is black?
Also, excellent observation on the kids being saved always being boys. That never crossed my mind. (“uneven afro”, lmao and “do something uniquely charming like read”, rotflmao). It’s so true. I guess the movies where the savior is black (?) are reserved for stories like Precious, etc.
As always, great post!!!
(you have to admit, that “Nice White Lady” skit is funny as shit.)
Yur hilarious!
And you’re right I can’t name not one movie featuring a white family or white woman saving a little black girl.
Yur hilarious!
And you’re right I can’t name not one movie featuring a white family or white woman saving a little black girl.
[…] just want to point you to a much more articulate discussion about this White-Saviourness at Black Youth Project. It’s an awesome read. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Sexism and racism […]
[…] just want to point you to a much more articulate discussion about this White-Saviourness at Black Youth Project. It’s an awesome read. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Sexism and racism […]
@tolu: nice white lady is classic material. i love it.
@fallon: i’m still trying to name one. let me know if you come up with one.
@tolu: nice white lady is classic material. i love it.
@fallon: i’m still trying to name one. let me know if you come up with one.
You all know this was based on a book which was based on a true story??.. I saw it and I thought it was good..
You all know this was based on a book which was based on a true story??.. I saw it and I thought it was good..
@sydneye: thanks for your comment. yes, i know it was based on a true story. but i could think of 10 stories off the top of my head about black folks coming up without the help of white saviors that would make good movies, too. the fact that hollywood continues to find this kind of tale worthy of film is troubling to me.
@sydneye: thanks for your comment. yes, i know it was based on a true story. but i could think of 10 stories off the top of my head about black folks coming up without the help of white saviors that would make good movies, too. the fact that hollywood continues to find this kind of tale worthy of film is troubling to me.
[…] ago, I saw “The Blind Side” which is, as lots of people have already pointed out, yet another addition to that long list of white savior movies. If you’re not familiar with this particular movie trope, you should read Hernan and […]
[…] ago, I saw “The Blind Side” which is, as lots of people have already pointed out, yet another addition to that long list of white savior movies. If you’re not familiar with this particular movie trope, you should read Hernan and […]
@Tolu: I’m a liberal white lady, and I think this article is spot-on. And the Mad TV skit is hilarious.
Thank you Summer M. for posting both!
And um… is it wrong that I’d only seen the poster for “The Blind Side”, and assumed it would be all White Savior like we’ve seen so many times before? Ugh. Is it just me or we having more of those films lately?
@Tolu: I’m a liberal white lady, and I think this article is spot-on. And the Mad TV skit is hilarious.
Thank you Summer M. for posting both!
And um… is it wrong that I’d only seen the poster for “The Blind Side”, and assumed it would be all White Savior like we’ve seen so many times before? Ugh. Is it just me or we having more of those films lately?
Man, I know Sandra is awesome! Do you think she is really having an affair on Jesse?
Man, I know Sandra is awesome! Do you think she is really having an affair on Jesse?
I like Sandra. She is’s such a funny and proficient actor. She will come back from this!
I like Sandra. She is’s such a funny and proficient actor. She will come back from this!
*thanks*
*thanks*